If God didn't want us judging other people, then he shouldn't have made the feeling of self-righteous superiority so awesome.

An engineer for Kodak invented the digital camera and his management did nothing with it. That invention had the added bonus of totally destroying the entire business model of the company.

The window between your lecherous comments somehow becoming less creepy because the actress is legal, and that actress only getting old spinster/crone type roles should never last longer than a few months.

Of course there are no boys. Both women are far too old to be involved with any of Hollywood's leading actors. Jennifer Lawrence is pushing 25 for Chrissakes.

I haven't watched them in a few years, but I was recently flipping through the channels and caught the moment when the Rohirrim arrive at the Pelennor Fields. Goddamnit, that's an epic (and earned) moment.

Admit it, you knew which one you loved more a while ago. We've been telling our practice kid since her baby sister was born that she's not the favorite anymore. It helps getting everything out in the open so there's no confusion.

I went through airport security with Jamie and Adam from Mythbusters. They were in town (DC) to film a segment at the White House. They got separated (Adam jumped off of one security line to get on another), but I stayed with Jamie, and we actually ended up getting on the same shuttle to the terminal. I was…

I just wanted to say good luck, we're all counting on you*

Joke's on you, because I was a gross slob when I was young too!

I had sort of the opposite experience. My wife and I had to give our toddler and 9-month old a bath, and I decided to put our bowl of candy out on our front steps in case anybody came while we were both upstairs. We were only away for about 10 minutes, but some little fuckers took every last piece of candy we had. …

I grew up about 20 miles outside of New York City, so we got to graphically learn what would happen if the Commies went for population centers over military installations.

So, if Jar Jar Binks plays "a central role in The Force Awakens", we're rioting, right?

Jesus died for your savings, you heathens. May an Amazon Prime Lightning Deal strike all of you down.

I loved Treasure Hunters and was bummed that it didn't get a second season. I liked that there was much more of an emphasis on brain teasers and riddles over the Amazing Race's rush to a spot, perform a simple task tangentially related to the local culture without thinking and rush to the next spot approach. The…

I really wanted to like Top Chef: Just Deserts, but they somehow managed to take every weakness from the normal Top Chef and dial them all up to 11. I don't think I was even able to make it through a single episode.

Pez? Look at Mr. Moneybags over here. Best I can do is the off-brand candy they sell in Dollar Store pinatas.

So we have to buy Liquid Ass and the fake poop? Life is just getting too complicated.

I usually try to wait until they're out of hearing range before I start telling others how hard I'd "tap that", making pelvic thrusting motions, pointing to a random guy and saying "This guy knows what I'm talking about!" etc.

Bears?? Sounds a bit far-fetched. It's far more reasonable to conclude that there is a heretofore undiscovered species of great ape in North America that maintains a population high enough to prevent a collapse in the species but still evade detection despite nearly 100% of the population carrying a camera phone on…

It's a tale as old as time itself.