Yeah, but all that got her was a used car that was clearly ditched by the original owner not long after they purchased it. I know a guy who can get you real money. We're talking brand new Alfa Romero money.

Ooh, how do you do the bold text? I want to join in too.

People with bedbug infestations have only themselves to blame. Maybe they shouldn't have put such nice, inviting sheets on their beds. Also, I've heard a lot of stories of people willingly letting bed bugs into their homes, and only reported it as an infestation when they later regretted it. Really makes you think…

A brief look at my Facebook news feed would show that this phenomenon is in no way limited to conservatives. Based on my understanding of statistics, this means that 100% of the people with political beliefs have a poor grasp of basic scientific concepts.

But yet, if life didn't go on in the form of still having your already planned bake sales, math tests, etc. the terrorists won. It was a confusing time back then.

Speaking of 9/11, you have to post a new tribute asking us to never forget in Facebook, people. It doesn't count if you just re-share your post from 3 years ago that came up on Timehop. That's just lazy.

Hey, some of us are still reading. I have a bad feeling about this trip to Jerusalem he's taking.

The worst part is that all the kids from Gordon Bombay's original pee-wee team somehow automatically got to qualify for the US team. Those little punks should have had to try out just like all the new characters.

I like to think that my idiocy is more of the blundering variety. It's probably just wishful thinking though.

Wait, you’ve never seen The Wire? I’m going to spend the next hour telling you how good it is!

He could have at least left the crib.

I'm off to pitch my idea for a new show. It's about a person who never stays in one place long enough to really put down any roots. They average about one new city a year. Any similarities to your life are purely coincidental.

I finally decided to get off my fat ass and start working out. Took my first run yesterday.

The origins of my avatar are murky at best. It's often hard to separate legend from fact, but most serious scholars have settled on the theory that it was the first result in a Google Image search for "Hans Moleman."

Packing is for suckers. Just leave all your crap out until moving day. When the poor fools you've convinced to help you move for some crappy pizza show up, have them start on all the heavy furniture while you finally start putting some stuff in boxes.

Pun threads became a lot more bearable when I realized that you could just collapse them.

Billy West has some interesting things to say about this trend in an interview that was just* on this very website:

Same here, but back-to-school ads still somehow stress me out.

It's one of the things that makes us so great. We still enthusiastically make degrading comments about women, even when they're all old and gross. It's really quite progressive.

We can? Hell, Damn, Shit!!