Thanks. I'll let my superiors know not to expect any work from me for the rest of the day. I'm seeing a lot of "My friend" stories on there. You're not fooling anyone, AV Club users from 7 years ago.

Do you have the link handy? I'd love to read it.

If I ever get to the point where I don't find poop related stories and jokes hilarious, I have it written up in my living will that my family needs to put me down.

Zac Efron? More like Zac What the Eff is Wrong? Biiitch please!

Probably not, but his wife did mention thinking about it. She started talking about how they were getting older, and I assumed she was going for the whole, "the kids are moved out, we should downsize" angle and started nodding along in agreement. But then she finished her sentence by saying they'd probably die soon…

I recently had somebody view my linked in profile, and my email account absolutely exploded with emails from them. I think they must have sent me at least 5 emails to notify me of the occasion. Nothing makes you feel like a success more than an email saying "Moleman, see how your one (1) profile view compares with…

The guy who lives across the street from me calls the cops anytime he sees somebody he doesn't recognize (i.e. black) playing on our neighborhood basketball court. Thing is, our neighborhood is probably 50% black, and usually the cops have to explain to him that the people he's reporting have every right to be there.…

I just hope they remembered to account for all of the other factors that could impact the angle. Somebody entered values for the heat of the meat and the bootie of the cutie, right?

You won't have much time to drive them. Poor Brenda must have been putting in 50+ hours a week to make $19,952 a month. I'd never cut it working that much. I guess she's just got that drive for success that I'm lacking.

Boss solidarity upvote! Don't try to be someone you're not. Everybody will see right through that. As long as you can lay down the law if things get out of hand, it's ok to have some fun.

For me, M will just send me a bunch of unsolicited, passive aggressive articles on how I can improve things I didn't even realize I was doing wrong.

They're in alphabetical order from North to South (Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania). You're welcome, now you can impress people at parties.

Nepal has the worst flag. Where the hell were you when the rest of the world got the rectangular flag memo, Nepal?

You're gonna feel pretty dumb when you realize your coworker was right all along. Alaska's down there to the bottom left with Hawaii.

Nice one, bruh ((noun): a male friend (often used as a form of address)

This could just be me in denial about my own pending mortality, but I feel like the average length of time between a series' original run and its Nick at Night rebroadcast has shortened. Somebody with some free time on their hands should crunch the numbers on this. They might even get a Great Job, Internet out of it.

What is everybody talking about? Friends was a really recent show. *Googles first appearance of Smelly Cat, realizes it was 20 years ago, reflects on wasted life*

My 3 year old would come up with some random name that sorta described something that happens 7 hours into the video, wait two weeks and then suddenly ask to see the [random name] movie again.

Self Esteem by the Offspring?

Not even a buck or two, he claimed he would have to charge an extra $0.10-$0.14 per pizza. Given how extraordinarily unhealthy you'd need to be for that to impact your budget in a significant way, I don't think anybody who had to pay it should be upset about expanded access to healthcare.