Full disclosure, we've invested a little more than $15 so far. We found an app (Acorns, if you're interested) that let's you round up credit card transactions to the nearest dollar and deposit them in an investment account. We've lost a grand total of $1.10 as of yesterday. I still might go threaten to jump out my…

I finally convinced my very risk-averse wife to start investing some of our money so it could grow. Dow's been down over 1800 points since then, so sorry about that, global economy. This one's on me.

Bitching about coworkers/subordinates sub-thread:

I assumed that it would be a Saturday morning or after school type of thing as well. I know I would have watched the shit out of it as a kid if it was. Probably not if it was in prime time though. Having only 1 TV and DVR not existing made the prime time TV watching pretty contentious.

I love having a yahoo email address. I feel like it lets all of the businesses asking for my email address know exactly where they stand with me.

The only downside I can see to renaming everything currently named for a confederate is the sheer volume of new names we'll need to come up with. Still weird to me as a Yankee carpetbagger to see so many things named after traitors.

So the fox's boss came back in a panic to tell the fox that if anybody asks about the card, say that he has one, he just forgot it at home? That's how the whole card thing worked for me back in my restaurant days.

Sadly, co-piloting the Falcon on the second death star run was not enough for this country to overcome its deeply ingrained dislike of Sullustans.

Ultimately, the world would be a whole lot cooler if these things were true, so I've always wondered how much of this was just wishful thinking. If you really start digging into the online communities of believers, though, you have to hit a point where you just decide it's all nonsense. The true-believers seem to be…

It's really weird how aliens lost interest in us right around the time everybody started carrying a camera with them at every single waking moment.

I once won a bottle of homemade kahlua in a Haloween costume contest. It was one of the most vile the things I've ever tasted.

Well that quota is the bare minimum. Look, we want you to express yourself, okay? Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to make more semen references and we encourage that, okay? You do want to express yourself, don't you?

Why take the time to read the article when somebody could be making the exact witty observation you wanted to make right now? Readers don't get upvotes.

It's like you can see the future!

I've legitimately not actually paid attention to the actual location of my car in my rush to make that quote. Sure I might not be able to find my car when we're leaving, but it was all worth it for the chance to make a 20 year old reference.

I thought I was the only one. So this is what it feels like when doves cry.

My wife and I used to own a GPS system that would pronounce it "Man Ass Ass". We actually still say it that way to this day.

Upvoted in Prince William County/Manassas solidarity.

So how long until Donald trump starts personally attacking your grandmother on the campaign trail?

Now that we've all had a scare, I hope you all call Morgan Freeman to tell him that you love him. I know he'd be thrilled to hear from you. He's always asking me what you commentators are up to. The next time might be the real deal and you don't want to spend the rest of your lives regretting that you never took…