A smug sense of self-satisfaction counts as a treat, right?

I had the opportunity to attend a Toby Keith concert that happened to be held on September 11th. Everybody kept describing it as "patriotic". I kept trying to explain* that adhering to a very specific set of political beliefs does not equal patriotism.

Did she seem more buxom than she did in her previous scenes though? Not that I would know, though. I've been respectfully looking her in the eye this entire time.

It features Jeff Daniels (spoiler alert) unsuccessfully trying to kill a spider for about 10 full minutes at the end. The question isn't "should I watch this?", it's "Why am I not watching this right now?"

Or a bowl of popcorn as you're watching Wheel of Fortune.

I saw this when I was about 8 years old or so and totally missed the -omedy part of "thrill-omedy".

For some reason, I can't find a publisher for my book, "What does the pig say right before it was slaughtered to make the bacon you ate this morning?".

It's also a lot of fun when you genuinely struggle with infertility issues. Hey, thanks for asking when we're going to have kids! I really wanted the opportunity to talk about my wife's uterus, but had just been waiting for a good segue.

Your suggestion seems to indicate that @disqus_Oh9uD4fGuY:disqus 's mother actually recognizes that her child has moved on to adulthood and is capable of respecting decisions that she would not have personally made had she been in the same position.

So should we tell him about all the porn, or should we just let him go on believing this?

Hey, if only 5.3% of your children turn out to be child molesters, you're doing pretty darn well, right?

I don't think militantly downvoting hashtag users technically qualifies you as a veteran.

For me, it's the last two lines of Margaret Wise Brown's "Big Red Barn". It ends perfectly, coming full circle, with the animals all sleeping in the big red barn after playing there all day. For some reason, it still goes on after that saying "Only the mice were left to play, rustling and squeaking in the hay, while…

Ruining relationships?

I believe you recall the oath you took when you joined the ancient order of the AV Club: "I swear, that if I ever botch a classic Simpsons reference, that my stomach shall become bloated, and my head plucked of all but three hairs…"

Here's an idea I just want to throw out there for consideration, but it seems like the Champions League should be expanded to the top 81 finishers in the Pick 4 league. You'd get rid of the real losers, while letting some of the players who just missed out on winning get in.

Just say you're a dead-beat Dad. That's really the only acceptable response.

I don't know if they still do it, but when I was growing up, all of the public schools in New Jersey got a few days off in early November due to a state-wide teachers conference. It was a great time to go to a place like Disney because nobody else is taking vacation at that time.

Ah, Action Park. Survived way longer than it had any right to, based on how litigious our society became.

Space Mountain may already do that. I love roller coasters, but that's been the only one that's ever really freaked me out to the point where I refuse to ride it again. Always feels like your head is about to get knocked off by the scaffolding on that one.