If there's one thing human beings are great at, it's planning elaborate deceptions that require thousands of different people from different countries to independently maintain the exact same story for over 75 years.

If twitter is anything like my facebook feed, those stories are sadly considered feelgood. I apparently went to high school with a bunch of unrepentant assholes.

I'm always fascinated by the similarities between ancient civilizations that had no known contact with each other. It's a great way to understand what motivates us as a species. I also love that erecting giant phallic symbols is something that seems to unite the entire human race.

I'm sure he was only there to ask directions on how to get away from there.

Finally, a place where they NO PRESCRIBTIONN.

Is it bad that every time I see a news story about the man who died in police custody in Baltimore, I want to re watch The Wire? General consensus so far is "yes".

The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I'm incorporating emojis into my speech to better express myself. Winkie face.

Duck is delicious. Anybody in the DC/Northern Virginia area should check out Peking Gourmet in Falls Church, VA. Hunting duck still seems a bit silly, though. They raise ducks on farms. You're hunting an animal that's already been domesticated.

My new entry to the fuck this shit category is that I've been driving a Honda for 10 years and never once thought to call it Rhonda the Honda.

The environment started the fight for survival, and now it wants to quit because it's losing? Well I say hard cheese.

When we bought our house, we were told that our hot water heater was at the end of it's rope. We figured one morning, we'd wake up to cold showers. It would suck, but not amount to more than a minor inconvenience. Instead, one morning, I woke up to a flooded basement. Rather than just crapping out, it sprung a…

Sadly, no. Good luck, though (we're all counting on you).

Don't give up on the job quite yet. We're trying to hire at my office and the process just keeps getting delayed. We were also promising and of April dates and that's totally out the window now. We're worried that a lot of our promising applicants will end up finding jobs elsewhere. (Hey, are you one of our…

I'm putting off deciding how much of an asshole I'm going to be to a few members of my team. They were in charge of updating some of our excel tracking charts and templates, and obviously settled on a "more is more" approach. Added all sorts of new columns and fields that aren't really relevant. They're obviously…

It'd probably need far more mauling, though. Emily came between a mother bear and her cub a few too many times to realistically survive.

I imagine his "What's on me that begins with the letter B" segment will generate some complaints.

Hey, at least they're still asking for permission.

I missed this episode, but I can only assume that the Rand McNally DD asked Michael to identify where people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people. That's really the only fact about Rand McNally that I choose to recognize.

For a while, I showed my 2 year old daughter the scene where they first see the Brachiosaurus every day after dinner. I always had to cough really loud when Jeff Goldblum calls Hammond a crazy son of a bitch, as she absorbs far too much of what she hears.

HBO has no respect for them. They need to pay the iron price to earn their HBO Now accounts.