I'm confused. Is there ever a time when it doesn't?

If I had access to Cinemax during those years, I'm pretty sure I would have stopped sleeping altogether.

Why can't people keep their willies out of holes?

I have NEVER, EVER, EVER, NERVOR…

The Joke: The Musical was always my favorite. My AIM screenname back in college was some version of Senator Tankerbell.

I like to masturbate in a closed room while people are waiting for pie to cool.

I missed way too many clues that I should have gotten. I also totally overlooked that the clue about a Russian monarch in a Fitzgerald book was a before and after. Makes way more sense now.

Hey, that's Murray and he's plenty…*scrolls up to the top*

Somewhere in Japan, two people who don't speak French as well as they thought they did are talking about that one time they wanted somebody to take their picture in Montreal and that complete stranger insisted on being in the picture with them.

No jury in DC would convict you.

One positive thing about selfies is that I'm no longer approached by tourists to take their picture while I'm trying to get home from work. I walk past several famous landmarks in DC everyday, and despite trying to appear as unfriendly and unapproachable as possible, it seemed like somebody always wanted me to stop…

Did anybody ever see the movie "In Good Company"? It starred Dennis Quaid, Topher Grace and Scarlett Johansson, probably came out around 2005 or so. Anyway, not sure if they ended up fixing it on subsequent releases, but that movie had to have had the sloppiest editing I've ever seen. The boom mike was very…

I know right? Don't they remember how difficult it was to get the Lusankya off the surface of Coruscant? I mean the amount of money the Empire must have spent on repulsorlifts must have been staggering.

I can at least cling to the fact that I'm still in the most coveted age demographic for advertisers. Once I hit 35, though, there's really no point in going on with my life.

To avoid over complicating things, I essentially hitchhike to work with strangers so they can ride the carpool lanes. Luckily there aren't many right wing radio fans out there, but when you do end up in one of those cars, it's pure torture.

I occasionally have the misfortune to carpool in a talk radio car. Usually about 5 minutes in, I start seriously considering asking the driver to just let me out in the middle of the highway so I can walk the rest of the way.

I blame the length of time between books on a lot of these fan theories. With no new material to parse, everybody just starts over thinking the existing books. Some of the stuff I've read seem like A Song of Ice and Fire Mad Libs. Everybody is a Faceless Man that's secretly also a totally unrelated character.

Whooaa-oh, livin' on a prayer

I love that they addressed how they handled Tyrion's poop while he was in the crate. I feel like this show understands me on a spiritual level.

HBO actually had a huge free preview last weekend and pretty much everybody with cable could have watched the episode for free on the actual channel.