BEN SUCKS

I watched three episodes of Moone Boy and killed a raccoon kit with my bare hands. I'd call 'em about equally sexually exciting, maybe give the edge to the former now that I know Chris O'Dowd is pretty tall.

Look fellas, it's Lisa in the sky!

JK Rowling's Reddit account

As with approximately 36% of all FYCs, this is probably an issue that seems a little more pressing if you are a human who is paid American dollars to write about popular music

Shout out to everyone on this list whose Adult-Oriented Personality didn't take a turn for the childhood-ravagingly anti-Semitic

Like, I kind of thought it was full of beans but it was cute. I mean, even if you only consider its basest pleasures, you could do worse than Bradley Cooper making out with Jennifer Lawrence. In six hours I'm going to wake up and go to work and do a whole hell of a lot worse than Bradley Cooper making out with…

Scary Monsters 4evs

I had a lot of time to sit on my ass with my Kindle this week. The Siege of Krishnapur - couldn't get into it until I stopped reading it in 10-minute bus ride installments like a dipshit, LAHVED IT BOUGHT THE WHOLE EMPIRE TRILOGY afterwards; Telegraph Avenue - kind of sucked but I liked it anyway; Wolf Hall - finding…

I finally saw Silver Linings Playbook. Probably they could have done an alternate cut that was just 40 minutes of an iTunes visualizer screensaver leading up to three minutes of Bradley Cooper in a suit making out with Jennifer Lawrence in workout clothes and I would have derived the same emotional impact from it, but…

I just hit the GOTTA READ MORE NOW point with Wolf Hall - for a second there the only thing keeping me going was that I knew I'd forget everything and have to start all over again if I put it aside for another book

http://i.imgur.com/LL4FooI.jpg

A Supposedly Maximum Fun Thing, you know, get it

My neck/My back/Lick my pussy/And my crack

I only ever watched a couple of episodes of Enlightened but I have had a total weirdass alternate universe Tiger Beat crush on Mike White since I was like 15. BIZARRO WORLD AMERICA'S SWEETHEART. What say you and me go make a concerted effort to get casual girlfriends with HBO GO accounts and Dern it up?

ALW ≥ Garry Marshall >>>> whatever other nonsense gets a laugh out of you peasants

I'm feeling so bi-furious right now. Luv u, Mayonegg.

"Cum-munity" is the single dumbest fucking thing that gets a lil smile out of me EVERY TIME

I've been in the middle of saying giiiiiiiiiiiiirl in a judgmental but concerned tone since I pressed play on this thing. It's been 14 minutes and the "rl" is nowhere in sight.

If I'm not playing bass in Mature Slut by 30 I'm just going to go ahead and kill myself