My first baby slut clothing line
it'll make millions.

How could she do that, Dave?
How could she… french her daddy?

In the beginning
Oprah created Dr. Phil.

Oprah does not accept awards. Oprah only accepts sacrifices.

Dawn of time? Psh. It was just a big bang…

I know that Shining Time Station was a lot more exciting when Thomas the Tank Engine started swearing.

Ass dreamers?
I'm a little confused/possibly offended that Tyra didn't mention "hairy" when listing the types of asses that the world could kiss. Is she saying that people with hairy asses don't dream?

Eats, Shoots and Leaves, directed by David Lynch.

Does this mean
that the success of Kung Fu Panda will spark a glut of panda themed movies, like all those penguin films of a couple of years ago?

You mean like how those little bumps around women's nipples are Braille for "Got milk?"

I expected to see
an article about the Tom Waits fan club.

I think she looks like the Rum Tum Tugger wearing a plastic Tyra mask.

I thought for sure
that this was going to be about "The Final Countdown."

In the world of taffy and yoga…even that's a stretch.