My side hustle is getting enough sleep to avoid psychosis

My Uber and Lyft drivers always talk about earning money.

Sort of, but William didn't mention that all of the cast, crew, and production were also charged.

Murderers are very fine people!

I haven't, but I've seen Alien and a bunch of other shit Stanton has been in because my repertoire of pop culture extends past ten minutes ago

My secret shame is that I can't actually read or write, I just type random letters and hit the spacebar if they begin to look too long hsk he gduk fssskfb vdckf

Move to Puget Sound. Or "The Puge" as I like to imagine people call it.

Bubblicious has never been out of style!

You have. I have. We all have. That guy is our innermost demons in human form, don't you understand?

Hello, I'm waiting here for a Subway… Footlong

Damn, if I had only scrolled down slightly. Now I just look like Mr. Redundant.

I question their ability to read, they're more like TMZ Lookers.

This is one time that the Kool-Aid man busting through the wall would have been helpful.

God damn phone, I'm leaving it

Removing symbols that are a constant reminder of violence and hate seems pretty conducive to peace and harmony to me.

Yeah, but it's not directed at Latinos or Native-Americans which is the usual go to for your racist Zonie'. Which is actually usually just a person from Cali or the Midwest anyways.

Who knew Cactus Wrens were such jerks.

I'm pretty sure you're just full of shit.

We weren't even a fucking state until 50 years later.

I turned it into a gerund!