You could totally fuck your NES… Not that I ever did or anything

So you'd refer to the original NES as some newfangled kids' device? Because Castlevania has been around forever.

Trump is stupid as fuck, so this checks out. I assume he also believes we contain the same exact atoms as the day we were born, and our bodies cannot produce new cells.

Oh my God that's it, isn't it? It's all a conspiracy by NASA in order to use the energy created by the forefathers and political pioneers of our country spinning to propel spacecrafts into deep space! I can't believe I've been so blind!

"I'd like to call the Senate to recess so I can get my tan on and before I rage out and body slam Mitch McConnell."

Are we over the "this list contains everything!" complaints from the other articles? Not that they're unfounded or anything, but I was really looking forward to seeing it again.

Thundercat?!?!?! Does he have a song that goes:

TrumpVodkaSucksBigTime.com, TrumpIsTotallyFired.com, etc.

This is one of my favorite things to rally against. Super gun-enthusiasts are always bringing up that argument, and it doesn't make any fucking sense. You can pretty much get a gun anywhere else and drive back to the city, they don't have checkpoints or shit where they inspect your person or vehicle for guns at the…

… Ambulance chasing? Is he some sort of sleazy lawyer or something?

This would be comforting, but if I click on the comments for things on Facebook or whatever I'm instantly reminded, no, no look at these people, things will not be alright.

"You guys are pathetic, no wonder Smithers made me head bee guy!"

Also, Al Franken has gotten really into lifting and is fucking yoked now.

Nope. Two separate occasions different people mistook for a star receiver on the university football team though. It was very weird.

What the hell is going on in this thread?

Is that why these ponies keep following around telling me I'm cute or is it the brain tumor?

"Well sir, I was thinking of bashing the skulls open of the flight crew with this assorted handful of gravel, you caught me."

The Catholic Church is comically far-ahead of the current administration in its ability to accept objective, fact-based science. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't also so fucking depressing.

How have you never had it? It's served out of those ice cream trucks that have been refurbished to serve chili, red-hot Texas-style chili!

Guess who's back, back again, lobsters back, tell a friend