Cary Grant too "old and leathery"? This is Cary Grant we are talking about! Heck, they could reanimate him as a zombie and he would probably still be bangable. In fact, I am sincerely hoping that they do, because that is the only thing that could justify this remake.

Egads, how I missed being in Europe this weekend! You have to understand that this is to Europeans what Superbowl is to the US: Gather friends and family, get drunk, and root for your team while watching men in shiny tights run around, cheered on by dancing girls in tiny skirts.

I dare you to find a Eurovision performer who is NOT gay.

In days of yore, each country sang in its own language. Finland came dependably last most years. Since 1999, countries are allowed to choose to perform in English, in order for everyone to understand the lyrics. This does not make the entries any better.

But who is Number 1?

He s THE CANARY.