I feel like Paul Rudd wouldn't have to check a mirror to know he's not Eric Stonestreet.

I mean … not a single thing I wrote there is factually inaccurate. His WAR is -0.0 and everything!

My sense is it's, like, decent? Nothing revelatory, but also fine enough for what it is.

Shermy is turning into the Sherringford Holmes of Gravity Falls. He literally only exists to plug up a logical hole and give the important brothers space to do their thing.

You know, not to get too deep here, but in a very real sense, everything about Stan is a lie…

Right, Stanley identified Dipper and Mabel as "Shermy's grandkids" at the start of the episode, so that baby that Great-Grandma Pines is holding in the scene where Stanley gets kicked out is either Shermy or Shermy's son (i.e. the twins' dad). The former makes more sense narratively, though the latter makes more sense…

I'd be okay with this as long as the show is completely unclear about which war he fought in: WW2? Korea? Vietnam? The Falklands? Any and all are possibilities!

Right, but I think the whole point of showing the baby is to make it clear why Grunkle Stan says he only had his brother Stanford; the actual text of the episode rests heavily on the idea that they were the only siblings throughout their childhood. There are ways around it — making Shermy much older, I guess — but the…

I'd have to go back and rewatch, but it's possible that Stan was passing off a memory of his brother as something that happened to himself. Or Stan was just lying. He has been known to do that.

Wait, so then Shermy is some unseen *older* sibling who has, like, left his baby in the care of his (and the Stans') parents? I really don't buy it, but, I guess?

Well, I look like an idiot.

I'm not going to tell you what you can or can't do with The Dissolve. (You totally can.)

But was this before or after the Dallas PD, following the logic of your previous metaphor, crowned Oswald?

Yes, yes, we've all read Richard Dawkins's book about Amy Schumer.

You appear to have a very strange concept of the relationship between the Dallas PD and Lee Harvey Oswald.

Because they were loaded, okay!?

Accurate.

Remind you? That's my damn business card!

Coming from Alien Jesus, that means the world. Not entirely sure which world, but still!

Yeah, I just like to go to absurd lengths to prove I'm one of the good ones. I fully intend to be the A.V. Club's puppet ruler when the people's revolution comes.