Short and sweet snark > Verbose vitriol.

Perfect, Tommy. Now everybody knows I have no original ideas of my own. Thanks a lot.

Hail.

Thanks, Arsenio. Have Ruun (although it's time I stop waiting for another Below the Lights) and Somewhere Along the Highway. Cult of Luna is — fine, I'll say it — the balls. The Beyond was totally crippling. After dozens of plays, "The Arrival" still gives me chills.

Would you agree with me, Elitist Trash, that "Death in Fire" is still the best death metal song ever?

@Arsenio: Best finds from 2006?

Recent faves: Hollenthon, Amon Amarth (always so), Aborted, Daylight Dies, and Opeth, naturally. Dislikes, or rather, letdowns: The Acacia Strain's "Continent," Therion's "Gothic Kabbalah," and as much as it pains me to say it about one of my favorite bands of all time, Enslaved's "Vertebrae." I'm trying, man, I'm…

Arsenio's thoughtful remarks notwithstanding, Cradle of Filth have advanced their (original) genre. Then, after Cruelty and the Beast, they became bent on disappointing fans like Zuul and I with graver and graver offenses to the aesthetics of black metal. We keep buying the records for the same reason, I suppose,…

Okay, I can confess to that. I could look harder. But in my defense, I've also got an insatiable appetite. An album from Summon, Aborted, Darkane, Kataklysm, or Deicide fills me up for a week. God bless Gojira for giving me a feast…

Some Meshuggah is. Candiria, not really. I've got a high tolerance for loud, heavy and fast. When something comes along that does it in a compelling way, I adjust upward. Some bands keep up, others don't. Pig Destroyer, for example, does. Lamb of God doesn't. But they have the merits of solid songwriting and…

Metal in this decade
has been as frustrating as it has been fascinating. Earlier commenters have referred to Opeth and Meshuggah, for whom metal just happens to be the set of musical conventions they use to create art. Brilliant, brilliant art. But sometimes you want the gut punch, and man is it hard to find a band…

Heroes' formula for believable comic book store clerk:
Abercrombie model + glasses

Yeah, I'd say three longing, surreptitious glances within a subplot taking up 12 minutes is positively minimalist on this f-ed up grading curve.

They are called fanfic writers.

I'll go ahead and out myself by suggesting "The Art of Dying" by Gojira. That and "Chrome" by Katatonia. They share the theme of suicide-by-social-disconnection. Particularly watching too much TV.

I've had a hemorrhoid the last few days, and it burst yesterday.

Try gelling your hair and staring intently at Kristen Stewart.