Velvet Crush
Matthew Sweet

I was gonna repurpose an old Onion headline: "47 Emo Bands Change Name To 'Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You.'"

I was gonna repurpose an old Onion headline: "47 Emo Bands Change Name To 'Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You.'"

Ben Tramer. He was supposed to go to the dance with Laurie.

Ben Tramer. He was supposed to go to the dance with Laurie.

No, he killed a dog in the first one. In the second one he makes love to a dog.

No, he killed a dog in the first one. In the second one he makes love to a dog.

You mean today?

You mean today?

You know, SNL really isn't that good. Does anyone else think that?

You know, SNL really isn't that good. Does anyone else think that?

I was wondering about that myself. If I was a touring guitarist I wouldn't entrust my tone to a strange amp.

I was wondering about that myself. If I was a touring guitarist I wouldn't entrust my tone to a strange amp.

Correction:

Correction:

I think you mean to say, "There would not be a touring group of session musicians playing Beach Boys songs to aging baby boomers without him."

I think you mean to say, "There would not be a touring group of session musicians playing Beach Boys songs to aging baby boomers without him."

A lot of sociopaths are charming.

A lot of sociopaths are charming.

I would say Nashville is one of the greatest American cities ever. It's a city people come to from small towns in order to fulfill their dreams. How much more American can you get?