Haters gonna Hate I Hate My Teenage Daughter

Ironic, since I always pass on your mom.

Drop your eyeballs in a mailing tube, send them to me, and I will let you know in two to three weeks.

First team to ever go to the NCAA tournament every year it's been eligible for four straight years. Then again that's the women's team, so it doesn't get much coverage.

Solution: film all non-race scenes with the usual actors. Film all race footage with Whiplash the Cowboy Money. If Whiplash is unavailable, just cut to YouTube videos of monkeys riding dogs.

Injected himself with venereal disease? There are better ways to catch it.

I thought Robert the Bruce was Australian.

I really outsmarted myself on that one. "H" appears on the "4" key of a phone, so I thought it was a phrase with the word "for".

You wouldn't even call Phil, you would call Hil.

Den…drop…

Good thought, but a champion would be who you dial, not what you dial.

"Why fall for Ed Sullivan"

The answer is obviously "Prison Leg-Breaking 911 Rockabilly"

I blame the NAFTA agreement.

Perceived stereotypes? It's what some people think other people have as misinformed generalizations about Japanese people?

I figured the second shot in the bar was because a gut shot isn't an instantly fatal wound. You don't want a grievously wounded guy with a shotgun hanging around.

How do the zombie muscles get oxygen to function if the heart and lungs aren't working? Chalk it up to zombie magic.

These are television guns. Picking one up makes a sound like dropping a bag of screws.

Who could have possibly predicted that starring in one of the most-anticipated movies of all time would result in people knowing who you are? NOBODY, that's who.

His head isn't really tiny, he just borrowed a suit from David Byrne.