NOW he did.

Not yet.

James Franco is the star of the rise of the planet of the apes.

I think I prolapsed my colon laughing at the "coathangers" clip.

I'm not homophobic; I'm homophonophobic.

Eye Sea Ewe
Was this written using voice recognition software? There are more than a few misused homophones.

He's got some kind of rainbow chalk going on there, which is a good start.

You just got KEEFED! (laugh track)

The "ooh, I'm [person] and I talk like this" technique doesn't even qualify as trolling, except maybe on Club Penguin. Have a little respect for the craft and do better.

Hobit = hobo hobbit

Wait, what?
I thought she was fucking Matt Damon. When did the unicorn enter the picture?

poophat?

Well he IS here to prove to you that we can party on the positive side and pump positive vibes.

You just used "bro" and "brah" in the same sentence. My mind is blown.

If Glenn Beck has taught me anything, it's that you can't trust Wikipedia or Google to give you accurate information. They're part of the caliphate.

Stalin was right!
Death of single native = tragedy
Killing off every other native = statistic

You can totally buy a heart in a shop. Just ask any butcher. "If I keep you in me, I'll want you to be free" doesn't make any sense either.

The poor fellow had a wang-ectomy.

The answer to the third riddle is clearly "vagina."

It's….a sundial!