"signature cowboy boots"
When about a fifth of the country has the same "signature" it doesn't really qualify.

It's dangerous on the stove.

The plot of Avatar 2 is centered on the realization that you can build horizontal mine passages and thus don't need to destroy everything directly above a mineral deposit to get at it. This is followed by four hours of mine-building that will blow your mind.

You know what?
That whole "Saw" thing was too dark. Let's remake it as a series of kid-friendly movies with elaborate contraptions that dump buckets of water on people and hit them in the face with pies.

Ouch
"every last moment of Betty White's life"
Zing! She's old!

Yah, eh?
"fans who can now see only in purple and gold"
So…Minnesotans?

It's been clearly established in courts of law that when a man and woman who are both impaired due to alcohol or drug use have sex, this constitutes the man raping the woman.

Sorry, but
YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP. I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE BOOBS.

It was originally a picture of him nonchalantly masturbating. Impressive, no?

Could you provide a link to a retailer of these "fucking Garfield" movies?
…for a friend.

Is somebody commanded "Let rip the asses of war!" I would run away pretty quickly.

The whatever farm animals of war.

I was on the fence, but
SOLD!

Hercule Poirot will be played by James Franco. Duh.

Also, what kind of dumb haircut is that
She's pushing 40, so I guess there's some wisdom of age. I don't see how "spinster" applies anywhere.

In all fifty states? 2030

That one show we saw once
Your Honor, if may sing a little bit of "Don't Fear the Reaper" I think you'll agree….

As someone who impersonates a vegetarian on the internet, I am concerned about these hip dogs getting dyslexia.

Momentum conservation is the better assumption than energy conservation here, so twice the speed. It also depends where the propulsion is happening; if the hook has a rocket or something it alters things.

She doesn't look like a cartoon viking?