So Basically,
The amount of time they spent running promos for this show exceeds the amount of time she show aired?

Chang? CHANG?! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!!

Jinx!

Those are the mushrooms. Seriously.

Ew
It took me a while to realize that it's ~smoke~ all over his face in that picture.

Love It
Best thing since "Rock Me Diabeetus"

A Girl With Kaleidoscope Eyes
i AM…IRON man…nanananananana…na…na na

Primarily because an average person is not trained in how to safely carry someone down stairs. The tipping point is when the handicapped person worries more about being immolated than being dropped and the carrier worries more about conscience than liability. Definitely not a good idea during a drill, though.

Dub
I think you mean "a cameo-contributing monkey-fighter."

Yeah, babies are real jerks.

It depends - was Rob Zombie on fire?

What were you expecting him to do? Run outside to fart?

Or just make a dive for it
As alarming as it is, "abandoning a wheelchair-bound woman in a stairwell during a fire alarm" is exactly what you're SUPPOSED to do. Yes, the actual protocol for someone in a wheelchair, given that you shouldn't use an elevator, is to go to stairwell and wait for firefighters to show up.

Tissue, Please
This guy talking through his nose is seriously distracting. Stop using the microphone for nasal endoscopy. Move it down and away a bit.

Of Course it's Justified
Just a happy reminder:
$257 million = 5140 middle class households' annual income for all earners

It died a couple of weeks ago, yes. We mourn its loss.

Age of Consent
"sings along to Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga songs on the radio, and binges on ice cream during pajama sleepovers"

I am Dorff's Penis
Why would a crime kingpin need to hire someone else to commit a murder? His criminal enterprise is limited to mail fraud and photoshopping internet coupons?

All Relative
One guy has sleeves on his flannel shirts, another guy has a Caterpillar cap instead of a John Deere cap, a different guy likes Pepsi more than Coke = eclectic small southern town

Build a full-size replica of the Statue of Liberty out of solid gold. Then melt is back down and float a Twinkie in the pool of liquid gold. There you go - world's most expensive cake.