Hydrocephalus!
I have Hydrocephalus!
Hydrocephalus!

Not a thirdsies attempt
How is this "the third installment in the hugely popular animated feature franchise"? Wasn't that "Shrek the Third"?

We live in the city of dreams.

I'm seven feet tall and weigh four grams.

A movie about talking semen, you mean?

I was there for a totally different thing! Honest!

For next Easter you can weave a basket out of bacon and fill it with scotch eggs.

The Orpheum in Madison ran showings of 3D porn for a while. Then it caught fire. About an hour after I was there. *whistles nonchalantly*

You misspelled the number "Too"

79% of the U.S. population is effete, so that's not a very useful criterion, talkingstove.

An apple has more sodium and calories than a piece of paper. That doesn't mean eating the paper is a healthier choice.

The main distinction between this and a double or triple burger is that hamburgers are not deep-fried…yet. I don't understand how anybody could eat that much grease and pulverized chicken gristle and still shit right. I do agree that anybody who voluntarily eats a Filet-o-Fish has given up any right to be choosy about…

I'll have you know that I live hundreds of miles from any Whole Foods. I tend to buy my meat from the guy who actually killed the animal and have occasionally gotten to pick a chicken from the flock like choosing a lobster. I still think this sandwich is gut-turning. Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall daintily sip weak…

The advertisements I've seen make the only viable argument in favor of this sandwich's existence: "I normally eat two chicken sandwiches anyway." It makes a weird kind of sense to compress it to one item, but it's still a revolting idea overall.

E*Trade Baby Movie
The next "Mac & Me?"
I don't see how movies based on corporate mascots strike anybody as a good idea.

Write…a…post!
Nearly any action can be expressed in three syllables and inserted into "It's My Life" to make it comically over-dramatic. That's really the best thing I can say about that song.

Care Bear
"…a 'hard R' comedy about the relationship between a man and his teddy bear" makes me suspect there's going to be a lot of penis in this film.

If by "glorious" you mean "unpaid"

Yummy
Not entirely on-topic, but I notice that in GK's (apparent official nickname) intro, she keeps slapping herself on the legs to punctuate what she says. Look around 0:20 to 0:30 to see what I mean. I've always wondered whether people who do this are aware that they're hitting themselves while talking. Some kind…

Aside from a little bleeding…
I have to wonder what freaky acts Jack performed in bed that would necessitate asking "Are you okay?" afterward. Then again, after this particular day, he has to take things up a few notches for it to compare.