Oh, man. The updated One Big Hit is never a great sign. (See Lords of Acid's "I Sit On Acid", "I Sit On Acid '96", "I Sit On Acid (2000)" and "I Sit On Acid 2012", or whatever the order is.) He must be pretty desperate to put some motor oil in the Volkswagen.

To be fair, all the characters on this show fall somewhere between "thinly drawn" and "completely translucent".

We've had about four hours worth of material so far. Let's hope there's at least another four in the remaining episodes.

It was so heavy I assumed she was lipsyncing to a Vocaloid. It sounded more like synth-brass through a talkbox than a human voice.

If we can get actual wood veneer (and if Ikea can whack some on just about everything they sell for like $50 total then why not), I'm down. Just not wood-pattern plastic.

That's a beautiful bit of design. Kind of makes all the other consoles around now look like a bag of dog piss.

Bless you.

Aw, I was hoping for Richard Ayoade.

I'd have a flutter on Sansa at 50-1 odds, never mind infinity-1. She seems like prime tragic fate material still.

I would've just aged the character up enough to cast Bruce Campbell.

That's up on the electronic screens. The handwritten signs seem to mostly be for funsies.

I don't know if you've ever heard of hyperbole, but what it means is: What I meant in a more literal sense is what you just said.

There's more than looks to it. Matt Smith is a strange potato man and Bendytoots looks like a lobster, but they both more than get by on charm and elocution.

Valerian's supposed to be kind of a retro he-man with a strong streak of clueless schlub. A comedy cowboy, in essence. Somewhere between Archer and Lucky Luke. And Laureline's basically his Lana. I can't help but feel that the characters may have been kind of misinterpreted and miscast.

She's been increasingly doing actually good work (the early stuff wasn't anything to write home about), but her status as an idol has been outpacing the quality of her work by leagues since forever. And she's apparently turning into a more ridiculous version of Gwyneth Paltrow, too. She'll be selling vaginal jade eggs…

Nobody said that. He said "they weren't that amazing". That's nothing like "they were no good". Stop strawmanning.

The Rasmus, of all musical acts. The first few times were on purpose, all-ages shows at tiny venues, one a free show at a former light-industry workshop by a gravel pit on the edge of town. Then they just kept turning up at every festival I was already going to, and I'd go have a peek since they were so-on fire at…

Good NES and Master System games are still good. Fire up a Mario game - any 8-bit Mario game, I think - or Shinobi or R-Type and they're still just fine.

Vice City has a bangin' soundtrack and great visual style, but it plays astonishingly badly. It's like going back to Atari 2600 games and ending up scratching your head over how this could have ever been fun.

Oh god no. Stop doing fully voiced RPGs, you lunatics. Just have an opening "hello" or something and let the rest be text.