I heard she can shoot razor blades from her COOCH OF WONDERMENT.

Right?  Ideally the law isn't a vindictive instrument, it's measure of social protection.  I repeat, ideally.  If we as a society actually cared about reform and not revenge veiled as justice.

Jesus was Jewish?

You misspelled grimiest mofo this side of Charlie from Always Sunny.

There's literally nothing subtle about Ted.

@avclub-f74abeeef47cc95a3f55c6de521fd2f4:disqus I understand where you're at but it is ultimately a business.  And, America is a nation that insists that money and morality are one and the same.  But, how the news [in a capitalist society is that want informs publication.  I might be drunk but I feel that it's…

How can you be homophobic and live in San Fran?  Are they angry about having too much gay sex?

@avclub-85d8ce590ad8981ca2c8286f79f59954:disqus  As a student of Latin and the Anglo Saxon derived from it, you should know I'm making offended noises.

Crossbow was just the gun before the gun was the gun.  Not to disregard it, but it was a precursor—not that its affect wasn't felt.  It informed the coming change but it wasn't as important.  But, it was pretty important.

I like where your head is at, but Italian is the vulgar form of Latin—as is every part of Europe anyone gives a crap about.  So, you'll need to get some people to reconstruct what it actually was.  Like a lot of people and a lot of money.

Caesar is a Nordic lookin fuck, ain't he?  I like it!  Plays into what Rome actually was, a conglomerate of assholes with sowrds and shields and spears—spears being the best weapon before guns made weapons irrelevant.  I had low hopes for Caesar, but he has proved to be a magnificent piece of shit!

I'm pretty sure they have different eye colors.  I was trying to remember all the way through the premiere.

I don't understand.  Is that tumblr maintained by a cyborg?  Why did I just see a semi-anthropomorphic Benedict Cumberbatch's wiener?  I'm sad now. 
 

He's not even fighting the elephant.  LAME.

"I LOVE MY GAY SON BECAUSE HE RAPES DUDES"
I'm glad to see Tracy Morgan came around on that issue.

You know that time when you and your friends had big plans for the night, but you started drinking too early?  This episode is essentially that.

Me eating on a toilet.  LOOK AT ME. LOOK ME IN THE EYE. NOW, LOOK AT MY WIENER 

…butt stuff?

I'd just be proud I made it through that entire sentence without slurring.

I'm not following what happened here.  Can we have Todd break down the Gay Panic for me?