I was the opposite of you. Back-flipping on a trampoline felt natural and safe to me but front-flipping felt dangerous and weird.

So true. Before Star Wars kids had jack and shit. Star Wars was such a leap forward in kid entertainment that it felt like it was directly accessing the pleasure centers of your brain.

I saw the first movie eight times in the theater. I'm relieved to find out other people saw it more because I thought eight times was a bit over the line into embarrassingly obsessive territory. Maybe not.

I could never get into these guys. They write some good rock tunes but their execution is so overwhelmingly plain, and it's not plain in an interesting way. It's just plain plain.

Cool As Ice is the only remake of Dirty Dancing that has ever been necessary.

Barack Obama turned out to be the young Hillary. Booker is Obama 2.0, or Hillary 3.0. But Democratic software revisions don't always run in a coherent chronology. It was weirdly retrograde to run Obama and then revert to Hillary. It was as if Microsoft had released Windows 98 and followed it up with Windows 95.

That "protecting consumers" excuse was such obvious bullshit. I liked Bernie's rejoinder: "Show me the dead Canadians." Of course there are none.

It was odd to bring up immigration policy, considering the suicide bomber was born and raised in Manchester.

Shit, it could be real. It has a Wikipedia page.

This was an actual show? I must investigate.

On a similar note: I first saw The Matrix 7 or 8 years after it came out. It was hilariously cliched by then. I heard it was groundbreaking when it came out.

Ah, desaturated green and gold — the edgy alternative to desaturated teal and orange.

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Lovely sales pitch there: If you're not the Democratic Party's bitch, you're with the Russians.

No, the Democratic Party chose poorly. I would have voted for Bernie Sanders in the general election, but Democrats gave me Hillary Clinton instead. Next time, give me a candidate who isn't utter garbage. Otherwise Democrats don't get my vote.

This is a joke, right?: "methodical, evidence-based approach."

The unpopular band I will stand by is Loverboy. They made delightfully catchy pop-rock songs that ask only that you embrace your inner horny Canadian teenager, which is not an unreasonable request.

What explains the rise of the alt-right in the U.S.? PUTIN. Negativity towards Hillary Clinton? PUTIN. Anti-European Union sentiment? PUTIN. The rise of right-wing parties in Europe? PUTIN. Anti-immigrant sentiment? PUTIN. Anti-NATO sentiment? PUTIN.

The internet is basically the Russianet. It's what has enabled Vladimir Putin to become the prime director of all world events. Washington Democrats told me that. "Putin hacked our election" yadda yadda.

Rock 'n' roll will also be shutting down in 10 years or so. It'll make a nice tax write-off for President Zuckerberg.