If he decides to go the traditional route, I suggest The Velveteen Rabbit or The Giving Tree.

What, you want him to never leave the house?

It didn't have to be one or the other. They could have canceled one of their thousand much shittier shows.

At least he's not drinking our salty tears.

That fucking Indian bazaar music that was playing while he was drinking the kid's tears … *shudder*

Technically, the darkest timeline would have been if it ended after season 4. At least we got to revisit classic Community goodness in season 5.

WINNER!
*jump kick*
WINNER!
*roundhouse kick*
WINNER!
WINNER!
*double kick*

JOCK ROCK MY ASS!

The A.V. Club

It's similar to "I don't even own a TV," but this one really bugs me: "I haven't played video games since I was like twelve."

I feel like those are the same people who are cackling at the trailer for The Nut Job in theaters.

Totally agree, and I probably wouldn't get along well with someone who describes himself as a "cineaste." That said, there are many more people who would refuse to see a movie because it's in black and white, and those people also suck.

Brock Samson would like a word.

The name Hoobastank, on the other hand, will always be funny.

Whenever someone says "Rap is crap," I hear "I am a fucking racist."

I try to be open-minded about both pop culture and religion, but if someone's favorite book of all time is The Bible, we probably don't have a lot to bullshit about. Except maybe sports.

All Jamaicans shuck and jive.

Same. I'm too obsessive to speedrun, even on repeat playthroughs. I get a lot more satisfaction from level grinding, collecting every fucking weapon, and then obliterating everything that gets in my way.

They all get pregnant and have to hide their abortions from their parents.

Dude, have you seen the Sistine Chapel? It's like almost as good as The Dark Knight.