You make a really good case here. At this early stage though, I'd like a little more suspicion between Crichton and Aeryn. Definitely a matter of taste, I admit.

I felt that the honorable retirement turning out to be the heat death was a bit of a misstep. It was more interesting as it first appeared to us (and Crichton): a genuinely tempting offer. Given that Aeryn previously described the heat death as the only time that Peacekeepers kill their own for mercy, and how much she…

I also like the ending, but I think it's a bit richer than just the twist on the weather. There's also a psychological inversion. In her fever dream, Norma sees herself as the strong one looking out for Mrs. Bronson. We the audience admire and identify with that. The reality is she is a deathly ill invalid being cared…