Thankfully, Weiner is basically the opposite of "Darlton" in terms of giving a shit about fans, so this should end better. Also, all these theories are incredibly fucking stupid. People don't seem to understand the difference between allusions and secret Illuminati conspiracies.

Man, I could really go for some Butt Mutton right now…

@avclub-94d8526a5fae933806f65b8a0f49301a:disqus  I'd say anyone whose #1 characteristic is their level of sobriety (whether totally sober, or stoned, or coked out, or whatever) is fucking tedious.
Also, all other people.

GO "BACK TO THE FUTURE" TO GUESS THIS FORMER "TEEN WOLF" STAR!

In 10th grade, I was on the cross country team, but was too lazy to train over the summer, so I was running despite clearly suffering from a stress fracture. Somehow, I must have grabbed the wrong shorts for this Saturday away meet, because when I got to wherever it was (somewhere in New Hampshire maybe?) I realized…

His talent filled it with water!

Ken Jeong is only tolerable in Ken-Jeong's-penis-sized doses.

Username: My nickname from college. I was 20 as a freshman, because of some drug issues that required me to repeat my senior year. Hi-lar-i-ous! But it's affectionate I guess.

Great points. As a former 14-year-old boy, I can confirm that I had no ability to read any signs really. Or ability at all. Once I was told verbally to stop, I did so immediately, but subtle cues can be hard to read for someone with zero experience.

I always appreciate it when a woman lays out what's not going to happen. Like, if we just started making out and she says we're not having sex tonight, then I can proceed accordingly. If she says let's take it slow, then no one's ejaculating (until I get home later by myself.) Setting those ground rules at step 1 is…

Pictures do provide evidence, of course. It shouldn't be worse than convictions, but I'd say it should be more damning than rumors.

The difference between all the other examples and Chris Brown is that we saw the pictures of Rihanna's face. Some of the craziest examples, like Charlie Sheen's weapons, are damning without visual evidence, but something about those pictures viscerally disgusts me.

It felt like a bit to me, too, so I thought it was really funny. I feel like when Maron is actually being a dick, he's not funny, and since this made me laugh, I assumed he wasn't serious. Kind of a backwards logic, I guess.

BEADS?

I was going for bro-tastic and derivative, but if they just started referencing incredibly disturbing scenes, I'd be all for it. Amanda Knox in a bathtub full of spaghetti for everyone!

That Teen Mom porn girl appears and it sounds like she's totally slobbing this knob, right? But then she's all like "I ate the bones!" and it was chicken the whole time! Fuckin' genius!

Seriously! What would Chase Utley think?

You know Jonah Hill has gained most of that weight back when I think he's Bobby Moynihan until someone says otherwise.

Brie is more my typical type physically (obviously much more attractive), but after hearing many interviews, it's Gillian by a mile. She always comes across as weird and silly and charming, whereas Brie basically just goes "sex sex sex sex", which is pretty much the least sexy thing you can do (cf. Rihanna.)

Classic Poe.