Ephedrine (not ephedra) is fine if you know what you're doing and have some sense of self-control. But unfortunately, Americans are like "if one works, five will work better!" and send their hearts into overdrive. But Ephedrine -used correctly - is the great untalked-about weight loss helper.

Ixnay on the aperay obmay. Why you gotta be such a cock block? Ignore Pepenador, Lara, you know Big Daddy Goof loves ya.

You swindle, I bamboozle. Deal?

I'd bamboozle 'er. Just sayin.'

Live with Kelly and Uncle Deadly

I saw J Mascis drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's. His hair was perfect.

Does anyone else think the vocals need to be mixed a bit higher in the video above? Decent song otherwise.

Hey, I was checking on the off chance she has a weird fetish for creepy, fat old losers. Who are also poor. Should've mentioned that from the start. It's possible…

Paige, I doubt you're reading, but if you are, are single, heterosexual and have a weird fetish for creepy, fat old losers, you just let me know.

I haven't watched much of Trevor Noah at all, but I really have to wonder if they offered the Daily Show job to Bee first and she turned it down. If not, that's crazy, she would've been a home-run choice.

He strikes me as the Wayne Coyne of heavy metal. I actually mean this in a good way, I swear.

Secretariat has more talent in his left hoof than Corden has in his entire body. Now what I wanna see is a carpool karaoke with Secretariat in the Corden role.

But how many views do the non-carpool karaoke videos have? What percentage of the total views are the carpool karaoke videos? Anyone can put a video up of anything. But does it get watched? Apparently 17 of them do, quite a bit, because singers they've heard of are singing on them, not because of some hack-ass…

A hearty congratulations to TV's most untalented one-trick pony.

No, he can say whatever he wants, as long as he doesn't mind being unemployed. Read one of the articles about his firing - while my "strike 78" is an exaggeration for comedic effect, it's not that far off. He's said shit like this before on several occasions and ESPN told him to knock it off or else. He didn't. He got…

I went to the bathroom in the ladies room at a concert once. I'm not sure anyone was in there at all, or if they were, they never saw me or never cared. Fucking security guard was standing right in front of the sign that said "women," so I just barged on in. I didn't even notice there were no urinals, I just did my…

Dipshit. I love how he seems all offended that he got fired by ESPN after strike 78. Now he'll whine about how his freedom of speech is being taken away from him - nope, he can say whatever he wants, but his employer has the freedom to fire his ass over it.

How to replace Michael Strahan and make the world a better place in the process: Get that goof-ass one-trick pony James Corden off late night and make him the new co-host of Live with James and Kelly. It's the perfect gig for him.

Pay attention, all music writers and wannabe music writers:
It is "vocal CORD," not "vocal chord."
Thanks.

Nah, tits are good.