Since it's the Appalachians, by stranger you mean close relative, right?

I refuse to believe that man is only 9 years older than me.

I can confirm this. There is definitely a Wrigley down the street. Her sister is appropriately enough, Ivy.

But not Gil. Never Gil.

I guarantee you he only works the vanity muscles. He's probably not actually that strong.

Fuck you too, buddy!

I mean, I see where he's coming from. BB-8 had definitely formed a bond with Rey and he might want to go with her. But in the end, he was right to go with R2. R2 had the damn map they needed to find Ahch-To and you don't think he'd really want to see Luke after all these years. Plus, BB-8 is Poe's droid. Rey was just…

They say Thomas Edison
Is the man to get us in
To this century
And that man is me.

Yup, that's the one. I've been humming that one to myself for weeks lately.

Let's just agree that all of the Disney Afternoon theme songs are musical perfection.

There's a company in my area named Graybar. Whenever I see one of their trucks driving around I immediately start singing to myself "I wanna take you to a GRAYBAHHHH!"

As a former girl drink drunk, I have to admit the Jedi cocktail sounds really really good.

Bingo.

When I was in high school, our band uniforms had dickeys. They were scratchy and uncomfortable so some guys would scrunch them down so as little of the fabric was touching their necks as possible. But our band moderator was a stickler for wearing our uniforms properly. He was an older religious brother with a weird…

I own a Darth Vader helmet. You can't see shit in that thing let alone accurately shoot anyone.

Your ass can't repel firepower of that magnitude.

I know, I need to take a lesson from George Takei, and practice Star Peace. Jedi and Trekkies uniting against our common enemy, Twilight.

Wisconsin's been the Florida of the North ever since Scott Walker got elected.

The kid may not have even been wearing a costume. There are some regular t-shirts and hoodies designed to look like Vader's armor. Hell, I have a hoodie that looks like Boba Fett's that I wear to work regularly.

Probably some jackass Trekkie.