Myrna don't care a whit for them hogs. She says I'm the one dotes on em. And I say, well that ain't true either but you know, at least they're a hell of a lot smarter'n all your cats. And just you remember what pays the bills around here. Hell I had favorites of those old hogs though. I cried like a baby when old…

Them city slickers are always the ones at market wanting to know if my produce is "certified organic." I says to em, you know what certification runs? You wanna pay my inspection fees, all so I can have a sticker? You can't even tell a carrot from a beet out in the field but you're not gonna eat somethin sprayed with…

I always get a kick out of them fellows got their fancy papers from Augustana or wherever. If I wanna know what's happening I look out the window. I got as much chance of bein right seems like. You show me one of them can be out on the combine in the pitch dark during one of those shit storms they couldn't see comin…

Tire went out on the John Deere again. Got a parts guy but he never gets back to me in no hurry, always got a funeral to go to or some damn thing. Don't know how that works when he's got more funerals than he ever done friends. Oh well, my back's giving me hell again anyway, so I figure plowing can wait. Then that…

Looked out the window a bit ago and I seen it's sleeting all over the place. Good thing we got all the plastic pulled up the other day. Forgot to turn the dang water off again so better hope the weatherman's right for a change when he says it ain't sposed to freeze tonight. Been windy to beat heck here lately last…

I told Myrna, I says to her, them hogs don't look right these days. Maybe it's that new feed. But that woman don't listen to me.

I was going to share my local weather forecast verbatim with you guys, but then I remembered that we aren't a gathering of old timers down at the Apple Biscuit Cafe where the smiles are free, dontcha know.

Does she seem sane otherwise? How…old is she? Not that that is the greatest indication of anything. That update sounds a little like a loopier version of something my sister might say, and she's 31.

Bleurgh, le danois. Quand je l'entend, il me semble que le locuteur a un pomme de terre dans la bouche.

MMe and her and the kitten who I'll probably bring home Monday will each get a third. IT IS ONLY FAIR

I actually experience a kind of mania when it snows. I'm not a liar like you guys. Except fr my cat-related overstatements.

No, actually, she will continue to be called Maggagie. But TS Elliot says cats have an everyday name, a fancy name, and a name that only the cat knows. Ruttiger or Rudiger or whatever might be one of the latter two.

I take it he means "of superior quality, skill, or appearance" and not "super sexy and dripping with sex."

You guys, I'm a fraudster. For so long I've been passing off a fiction that I am the Truest Crazy Cat Lady, with anywhere from 12 to 16 cats. The truth is, I haven't really had a cat to my name for the last year and a half. Living at home the last ten months or whatever, I had the old family cats, but while I really…

Hurrah! Now you'll finally be able to go to sleep. It must have been annoying wracking your brains for like, two months straight….

Woozle wozzle

OH NO HE DI'N'T

I make that face, too, and silently beseech the angry god who made me spill my cheese doodles.

The thing is, I am one of these morons. This is me, like, once a day.

I used to watch it all the time in the early 00s but I got a little sick of their schtick with the topic o' the week.
I liked the clip, though, and enjoyed a couple episodes I randomly caught from last season.