Loeb used to be able to write some decent but not spectacular stuff. Now he writes like a 6-year-old with a bucket of action figures in the sandbox.

So then who's the Rob Liefeld of the current superstar-writer scene?

Her tits studied at Juliard, but the rest of her stayed out drinking all night.

It's pretty much a different scene now. Writers like Ed Brubaker and Brian Michael Bendis hold a lot of sway at Marvel, and as a result the big superhero books are more like well-plotted TV dramas than Michael Bay movies. For example, the big crossover event right now is "Dark Reign," which hasn't produced many splash…

It's too early to tell if Quitely will be influential. I'm a fan (except for some of the aforementioned odd faces), but I'd be okay if he didn't inspire a lot of imitators.

mollymauk, Brian Bolland is still kicking around - at the moment you can see his art on the covers of DC's "Last Days of Animal Man" miniseries.

This is why networks love cartoons…
Because they can replace the actors, and no one can tell the diddly-ifference.

…while Abigail Breslin cries a solitary tear on the set of VH1's "I Love the '00s."

And then they stab themselves to death after a shot of some leaves rustling.

This is the only reason I want to see "G.I. Joe," nostalgia be damned. Levitt as Cobra Commander is the strangest blockbuster-hopeful casting decision since Raul Julia as M. Bison.

You know who I feel bad for?
Ron Rifkin. Imagine losing an Emmy to Seth Green for his impressions of people with explosive diarrhea.

…which would be followed by "O, Planeteers!"

I'm saving him for the Willa Cather mash-up, "Death Comes for the Archies."

"Ivanova's smart…she's sicced her crazy half-sister on me, but I didn't live this long by taking the easy way out all the time. I hear a musket go off and one of my ribs is gone. Not broken, just gone. Micro's going to have a hell of a night cleaning this mess up. One thing's for sure…I'm going to have a lot more sins…

Crime and the Punisher

The new vampires
are already fairies.