(Just say: "damn girl you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal!")

*cut to Werner Herzog watching the gruesome footage in horror beside an unfazed Bill O'Reilly*

Lenore eh? Wouldn't mind piercing her vitals if you catch my drift… hehe Franco you old dog.

I was once like you… But news of the Spiderman reboot has restored my faith in cinema. I can't wait to see how he becomes Spiderman this time!

To be fair to Ferguson, his contract included a fat payout for not getting the Late Show. Seems like he was bored of the talk show shtick anyway.

It's a huge advantage for them to use Noah if you look at it from an executive's perspective. You get to start again and potentially hit it big with a young comedian and you no longer have to pay Jon Stewart's gigantic salary. Even if the new Daily Show is not as successful, it still has power as a brand thanks to…

"Don't you love me, Michael?"

*Blows Jeopardy winnings snorting Aleve off of hookers' asses*

"Let me see that card."

"It says here you comment on… The AV Club? What is that?"

Follow the train, CJ!

I only drink the finest breast milks!

I feel like the inclusion of Converge was a mistake considering the direction they took here overall. So you got Converge, but no Trail of Dead, Mars Volta, Kayo Dot, Thrice, or Vheissu. Or even Deerhunter. You can't include Converge alongside M83, which is closer to music for a Fruitopia commercial than rock. Zwan…

You don't fuck around when you party with Alien Jesus. I remember the last time in '93, it was me, Johnny Depp, Liza Minelli, Alien Jesus, and River Phoenix at the Viper Room…

"What am I, chopped liver?" - Diana Ross

Murmur!

Do you think Sun Tzu was a big guy?

My first edition of the Epic of Gilgamesh is much more impressive when you factor in how much older the work is than The Art of War.

Things That Didn't Happen: Everything in that Going Clear Documentary

He didn't lose a leg. He almost had to have it amputated because of an infection. The WTF interview with his widow is kind of awkward because Maron brings it up quite bluntly and you can tell she either doesn't want to talk about it or wants the story to remain rather obscure because the infection was a result of drug…