I am immune to the caffeine.

WAIT, IS IT STEALING IF I SAID IT FIRST?

Alas, I do not enjoy hot beverages unless they are chocolate with whip cream on top. I will have to see if you are correct though, about certain foods being more associated with it than others. Cause it doesn't feel that way at the mo'.

Oh I am drinking Coke as we speak.

NO, THAT'S HOW STEALING WORKS!

I'LL STEAL WHATEVER I WANT

Wait, then I have to avoid all foods. I can do that.

That's what I said! Well I said the second part, anyway.

How do I get rid of my Coke addiction?

It wasn't me, it was science!

*shoots TV with shotgun and throws it out window to be sure*

The separating of physical needs from emotional needs is a complicated medicating medical procedure that involves—

I enjoyed the swings in this column:

If it were socially acceptable all my clothes would look exactly the same and that's all I would wear. Luckily I know what trainers are, but yeah, I still couldn't give two shits about shoes either.

Be elsewhere. Now.

Because it looks delicious?

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha cause "alpha men" spend their time commenting on pop culture websites hahahahahahahahahaha

It was mostly a joke. It's just kinda hipsterish.

*yawn*

I don't understand how the two are related.