Yeah, Stewart narrates the British release. Also, the British version features a dying polar bear, whereas American audiences' heads will explode if they find out that anything as cute as a polar bear is capable of dying.

Disney nature films
Everything I've read about this confirms my knee-jerk reaction to the phrase "Disney nature film." They're just like Mickey Mouse, only cuter, and once in a blue moon, they die…oh, fuck, what have I started? No, no, I mean, death is something the godless hippies invented. Cute animals don't die,…

Yeah, at least on consoles, it looked like they made it for PS1/N64 and ported it to the new systems. Xbox had launch games that looked a thousand times better. The character models are even sub-Morrowind.

As I recall, it was an army program trying to create super-soldiers, but it turned everyone psychotic as super-soldier drugs are wont to do, so they just sold it as a party drug to make a few bucks. I think. I do remember clearly that it made no goddamn sense, as video-game plots are wont to do.

Peter Jackson WAS signed on to produce the Halo movie, and apparently his special-effects outfit is still building Warthogs (with solid axles, sadly), but it looks like that one has gone to shit too. It's sad, Halo deserves a good adaptation, but I don't think we're going to get it.

I know, but if I could just toggle it into first-person and go a few seconds without ogling his chic leather duster, I could clear the room without even taking a hit. I only played on default difficulty (read: easy), and I don't know how I could have survived the harder settings with the camera issues, bullet time or…

When I pop the big pills, I can eat my enemies whole. Lessons to live by.

The first installment, Denby? I thought the second one was a huge improvement. The writing wasn't as quotable— the "genius of the hole" quip was amusing enough, if only for how comically bleak it was— but it kind of had a plot, the controls worked better, the voice acting was less wooden, the dream sequences didn't…

The winged beasts never appeared in the game, although there were some needlessly tedious dream sequences in which winged beasts wouldn't have been out of place. You have the plot pretty much right.

They have their charms, but holy sweet mother of fuck, they have the second worst camera of any game I've played. There's a door, and past the door is a room full of people with guns, so HOW DO I AIM AT THEM WHEN MAX AND HIS STYLISH LEATHER DUSTER FILL THE ENTIRE DOOR?!?

Honestly, I put Geico ads second only to Allstate ads in terms of non-annoying-ness. I'd take a thousand anthropomorphic geckos over that motherfucking Aflac duck, the pink-haired nothing, or Progressive-lady trying desperately to be funny.

They're like Klingons!

In terms of ratio of body size to penis size, barnacles have the largest penises in the animal kingdom. The come in handy when you live with your head glued to a rock, you know. You can mate with anyone within wang's reach.

Sticking? Are you sure the shotgun is lubricated?

God, I was so happy when I didn't have to look at Larry the Fat Laborer who Enjoys Coitus anymore, and now the entire internet is hidden under a solid layer of Krod Mandoon ads. Comedy Central, you're dead to me.

I think Santos is right. Even Coke is sweeter than I want it to be. I wish they'd just cut out some of the sugar and be done with it. I don't want to drink liquid sugar, dammit.

What's a level editor?

Does this have a level editor? It sounds fun as hell, but I don't know if a simple puzzle game has fifteen bucks' worth of replay value. A level editor seems more or less obligatory in a game like this.

An angel says, "hey, you, get off ma' cloud!" A Scot says, "Hey, McLeod, get off me ewe!" And that's the difference between an angel and a Scot.

I love how he slept in his dead camel, then had a clean shirt the next day.