Oh yeah? Has nobody heard of the Second Law of Thermodynamics? Heat Death? Nothing from you people?

I'm 35, so when that album came out I was 21. It was AWESOME.

Kirk Douglas makes jerking-off gesture.

That album was my favorite album for like six months when it first came out, and I developed a lifelong crush on Avril Lavigne. I don't care if you judge me.

No, I was, it's just that I didn't realize that what I was saying was actually offensive. Once it was pointed out to me that I had hurt somebody's feelings, I was genuinely sorry for having done so.

TRUE STORY: When I was 18 I visited a friend of mine at NYU and was hanging out with some of his friends. I later learned that I was given the nickname "Mouth" by these NYU students because I couldn't stop talking and saying extremely inappropriate / offensive jokes the entire day.

Ugh, are you one of those Hare Krishnas?

Tea! Long time no see!

I'm an asshole.

It's happened to me before multiple times.

I would prefer not to.

My current girlfriend is the first black girl I've ever slept with. After spending the previous lifetime sleeping with an endless sea of Jews and Italians with a couple of Koreans mixed in. And I am totally in love with her. You never know.

My user name comes from a conversation I overheard in a bar about nine years ago — two guys next to me were arguing about the definition of the term "Hipster Douchebag," and they came to the consensus that it was somebody who lived in Brooklyn and hated country music but loved Johnny Cash. That definition fit me…

No, it's my five testicles that make me super interesting.

Thanks! Me too!

I started dating a girl last spring who, unlike any of the other girls I've ever slept with, is somebody I actually like and appreciate as a person, and who doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself for spending time with her. I'm totally in love; she changed my life for the better in every way, and it's really weird to…

Not sure on the definition of "young." I turned 35 a few weeks ago.

Thank you for that.

I tend to lump Bowie in with Kiss and Lynyrd Skynyrd and AC/DC as "bands from the 70's that I recognize the sound of and know were popular at the time but don't care enough about to pay much attention to." Which is why it's maybe just in my mind that Debbie Harry or David Byrne or Joey Ramone are infinitely more…

My weekend was awesome! Hanging out with girlfriend, taking my grandmother to dinner Saturday night, going out for a friend's birthday Saturday night to a bar filled with what appeared to be a bunch of 17 year olds, just all around greatness. I've been so happy with life recently that I feel ashamed mentioning it…