Gotta steal smart.

1. Yes, baller.

Look, guys, alls I'm sayin is South Dakota has the faces of giant white men carved into a fucking mountain, and Wyoming has a terrifying super volcano festering under Yellowstone National Park. Those states are baller as hell. Nebraska has corn and a proud football tradition that takes its name from corn. There's no…

I think the reason Nebraska and Nebraskans by extension are so offensive is that they are the most boring things on earth. No body, and certainly no boy, is living in Nebraska.
Sure, there are worse people and places in the world, but none so excruciatingly dull. I'd rather be in the deep South, living in constant…

Jay Mohr is a Deviant
He cornered me in an alley and put his thumb up my ass.

you guys are lame as shit.

Fuck
Why didn't I think of this?

Hannah Montana Crushed by a Rock
Skin crawling. Hate rising in heart. Blocks out all other. Blind with rage. Decision to target elderly for revenge. Cannot be held responsible.

CARRRRRRLIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Fart
By "that old man with the freakishly short legs" do you mean Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, or Vern Troyer, who has been known to hang out at Ellis Island and solicit sex from minors? Miners. Both.

Goddamn Do I Love Billy West
that's it. and enough, too.

Shitsicle
Taking care of the aged is the same as taking care of babies.

The Only Thing
R. Kelly is guilty of is being the world's greatest lover.

Nah. Nah. And the TV broke, so I can't watch my stories.

Well-
It looks like it's suicide for me.

A Zune! Can you imagine? Oh my God! A fucking Zune! That's low-class new money shit right there. The very thing- a Zune!

No Returns for Busted Merchandise
Oh sure, now he's a boy pissing on little girls, but someday he will be a grown man pissing on stadiums and… quarries.