DAVID NEEDS STANDARDS!

Ooh, so the next issue will be "Assignment: Miami Beach"?!

Imagining Tom Petty singing "Moon River" kind of gives me a headache.

Sunrise, sunset… *sniff*

Just two nights ago that song came on while some friends and I were having dinner and that song came on. We started talking about it and my wife - who adores Petty - said, "Wait, this song is about marijuana?!"

This is great news for my band, Tim Paltry & The Heatbaskers!

Last year alone, The Liberace Foundation provided over 300 mirrored pianos to Sierra Leone, Haiti, and Nigeria. You should have seen the look on their faces.

"These batteries…? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THESE BATTERIES??!!"

I've seen him on TV. Just like everybody else.

He's coming to my town!! YAYYY!!

I want to go do that right now! It may be less effective when I have to tell my spectator to hold perfectly still,

Apples remind me of Good Will Hunting.
Which reminds me of Boston.
Which reminds me of the Boston marathon.
Which reminds me of the bombing.
Which reminds me of terrorism.
Which reminds me of Al Qaeda.
Which reminds me of ISIS.

Favorite capsule review of "Five People": I don't know who you meet in heaven, but this is definitely one of the five books your read in hell.

"Scully, the government has been working for years to keep me from finding out if friends are, in fact, electric."

I think it's better going in knowing the "Answer." Then you can just focus on the more abstract truths, and the shifting perspectives, and absence of concrete resolution. You know, good time party stuff.

I always refer to him as "Raymond, The Creepy Butler", to the extent that I forget that he's actually just "Raymond." And as big of a stretch it is that he was standing in the shadows, if any character would be believable to just stand there while Kane dies, then ring for the nurse and not help? It's Raymond, The…

Have you read Nick Hornby's short review of the book?
"Question: in America are showers more expensive than burritos? Wouldn't their girlfriends be concerned that they smell like… you know what? Never mind."

His feelings.

What's amazing about 28 Weeks Later is every scene is worse than the one before it. Every single one. It's an impressive accomplishment, in a way.

"The emergency exits are glued shut. Nothing? No one's even looking up? I hate all of you."