Snow White and the Huntsman 2: Dwarf Protocol.

Snow White and the Huntsman 2: Dwarf Protocol.

I didn't know Ed Hardy had a jewelry line.

I didn't know Ed Hardy had a jewelry line.

I'd probably watch if they all became the same TV show.

I'd probably watch if they all became the same TV show.

This reads like tragic child star mad libs.

This reads like tragic child star mad libs.

A "Jesus Loves Me" type I went to high school with picked him up. The guy's actually pretty genuine so it's possible he just did it out of the goodness of his heart. But it's not like I can ignore the inherent comedy that comes with picking up a hitchhiking John Waters. I'm not made of stone.

A "Jesus Loves Me" type I went to high school with picked him up. The guy's actually pretty genuine so it's possible he just did it out of the goodness of his heart. But it's not like I can ignore the inherent comedy that comes with picking up a hitchhiking John Waters. I'm not made of stone.

The elevator one haunts me to this day. Though it is great incentive for taking the stairs.

The elevator one haunts me to this day. Though it is great incentive for taking the stairs.

It took me a second to realize I wasn't reading a description of a long lost "Party Down" script.

So this isn't a gritty Manos Hands of Fate reboot?

"Or don’t be Batman. That’s easy enough."I dunno, that's easier said than done.

No, an unfortunate oversight now that I think about it.

Anecdotal evidence/coolstorybro: I wrote a review of Avatar for my college's newspaper in the tone of "I get that the effects are awesome, but come one everything else is awful." I got a 1,000+ word e-mail from someone about how I was a horrible person beyond all redemption and representative of everything wrong with…

I always assumed the audience for Two and a Half Men was some kind of urban legend. That or the result of a complex network of conspiracies.

This calls for a celebratory banger in the mouth!

Ah, is it that time of year again?