Since you basically expressed exactly my own philosophy about Star Wars, I'd like to suggest that you are not merely an old curmudgeon, but are, like me, Jedi Orthodox.

As long as it still has a bad-ass light saber duel at the end, I'm for it!

I didn't see the remake of the Manchurian Candidate, but I imagine it suffered for the same lack of Cold War dread.

With so many candidates, you know there will be shrill calls for a second-tier debate, with all the loons that didn't make the cut for the big debate. I hear Univision will have some suddenly available air time…

Sounds like you missed the debate when Mitt stated, "My father was born in Mexico," by way of lamely trying to curry some favor with Hispanic voters.

Wow, if that's a real o'rourke quote, I have to hand it to him. That first sentence has me crying and unable to breathe properly, I'm laughing so hard. The last time I read anything from him, it was like Dave Barry crossed with Mallard Fillmore.

"You haven't gotten me work in twelve years!"

"You can be fired by your attorney, your accountant, your agent, your investment adviser." Just not your baker or photographer.

"I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." — Mitt Romney

No, dummy — instructions are only mansplaining when they're given by someone with a penis.

I didn't realize this was syndicated. I saw it on my local Fox station, which of course was a fledgling little network at the time. It makes sense that they would fill prime time space with something like this. And it was perfect for me, since I was just aging out of Double Dare, and was looking for something that was…

I first fell in love with him and his music when I saw The Magnificent Seven. What a great movie.

The moral dilemma of Priceline: would you accept low cost airline tickets and hotel rooms if you knew the cost was that a charismatic but aging star of a legendary sci-fi series would suffer a mild stroke?

Fulton?…Fulton?

You know the term "fuck-you money"? I think we should start calling it "Seinfeld cast money" instead.

When did this supposedly happen? Because I think Louis CK has been divorced for almost a decade.

Uh, under the Hayes Code, there was no shitter, and definitely no thrusting.

Okay, then there was that time Kingsley played the Iranian guy in House of Sand and Fog.

Tony Shaloub is of Lebanese extraction, so he's Asian-American.

So, a Cameron Crowe movie?