You make it sound like a restaurant for robots.

Wonderful user name-comment synergy here.

I dispute the idea that Huey Lewis and the News ever seemed any bit transgressive. For us kids in the mid-1980s, they seemed like a band of guys like our dads — maybe Huey was better-looking than any of our dads, but he had that Boomer-approaching-40 sensibility. "Heart of Rock and Roll" was basically a remake of "Old…

If you let the fire build up properly — which is to say, let the flames rage and then subside, and give the coals about 20 minutes to start getting white ashes on the edges — there should be no trace of lighter fluid left. If you're still tasting something petroleum-y, it's probably in the charcoal itself. In that…

For me, it's the Colonel getting beat up in prison, and I don't like it. I know he was in there for child molestation, and that's awful; but I just don't like seeing anyone being brutalized, I guess. Big ol' bleeding heart, I am.

Restricting people's access to alcohol is wholly appropriate on Memorial Day, because, as everyone surely knows, people in the military abhor liquor.

Holy fucking shit, dude.

Does anyone still give a rat's ass about the Beatles breaking up? I love their music and wit, but they broke up 4 years before I was born; besides, half of them are dead. The broken-up Beatles have been an unalterable fact all of my life, so it's pointless to get one's panties in a wad about it — just listen to the…

Oh, I am so happy to see you! Thank you for dropping by. I'm so taken aback and moved by your surprise appearance that I— I— I need to lie down…

There is none worse than Pitbull. None. When I first saw Pitbull on a beer commercial, I was thoroughly convinced he was a parody.

"go to tech tab for work detail"

Whenever I see Kurt Sutter's name around here, I always think he was a pitcher from my youth, and I rack my brain trying to remember what team he played for.

My favorite Lobot moment was on his bubble-gum card, which named him "Lando's Main Man." It was 1980, after all.

So, would that be appropriating racist white pre-World-War-II American culture?

I have an Italian friend whose wife is Japanese. Their son can't eat a noodle of any kind without pissing off one set of ancestors.

"The celebration of non-Western commodities becomes offensive because of the exploitation of non-Western humans."

What if Tosh.0 sics, like, 5 Bill Cosbys on me right now? How will the world know?

Careful, now.

Well, they don't have to bring back the pre-Vatican-II mass; they could just have the current version, but translated into Latin. I actually wonder if they're preparing for that very thing, what with that new, awkward translation of the mass a few years back. "Consubstatial" doesn't really roll off the…

The only way there will be an American pope is if we really, REALLY take a long, hard tumble down the list of world powers. And even if that were to happen, I think it would take a century for the memory of America once being very powerful to fade enough for a majority of cardinals — many of whom, let's remember, are…