Sioux County, IA, located conveniently midway from the slaughterhouses in both Sioux City and Sioux Falls.

Good point. Also, I just realized that since you can't shake up a box of watch parts and get a watch, evolution is obviously false!

Your meat, I assume, comes solely from freshly slaughtered backyard goat.

Well, I agree…but (despite growing up in the 2nd-most livestocked county in the U.S.A., which you can bet had basically field-to-field feedlots and smelled constantly like shit) I turned vegetarian, which, to hardcore ironists, probably invalidates my opinion on such issues. I think the reason veganism seems so odious…

Alternatively: "Those holes in the mast? Um…for opening beerz. Ruddy old beers. That's all."

@avclub-3deae7321deafd837cee7c55bc02b58d:disqus just went all Medieval on our asses there.

C'mon Disqus! I've signed up for notifications about horse sushi, nothing more, nothing less! I can't be bothered about the rest of this fucked up world!

Un Nobel Prize for Literature=Hot.

I totally agree. The Jude Law stuff should've ended with his flameout, not his vindication, and the lesbians on a tear twist was super-hacky, Basic Instinct 2 type of poop. This is too bad, because this might have made for a great film, had the setup led to the tragedy of misguided destruction instead of the perfect…

If that's what passes as an "immortal phrase" in hip-hop, I guess I feel a little better about just not listening to any of it, not ever.

I know it's weird but there are some parts of the world (not here) where people just un-ironically like stuff.

There's a GQ article by Wells Tower that takes as its thesis, "You would not like to be James Deen—now let me convince you why." It's a pretty good article (though I'm not going to Google that here at work to find it for you).

This could be a sign that such robot jokes are in bad taste…or else maybe it's PROOF.

"Gentlemen…I am the town pooper!"

I thought, "Huh, James Franco is now on FourSquare?"

Also in timely news jokes: Papal Bull.

Franco undresses, notices no boner. To the mirror: "Is it me? IS IT ME?"

The DVD package comes with a complimentary limited-edition merlot.

<boldface>OMG!</boldface>

Non-linearity fucking RAWKS, man!