When people talk about how great radio was in the 1970s, just imagine the above songs playing. Only there's about 40 of them. And on Saturday night, they play them in the order that they are currently showing on the "charts." Then they go back to playing them in a random scramble that somehow doubles down on the Barry…

I see your point. I generally love the first three minutes of most Led Zeppelin songs.

My son is asking which state South Louisiana is. You guess which son.

[Angrily] Uptown Girl! You've been livin' in yer Uptown World!

When I take my Punch and Judy puppet show out on the road with my trusty dog, I'll be sure to use this thing as a spell checker. What? Not obscure enough?

Looks like it's got all of the requisite "Homotopy to Marie" attachments. Good, good. Wait a minute! Where's the goddam Waterphone? What kind of horror soundtrack am I gonna make without a Waterphone?

"MAH BAHDAY! MAH CHOICE!"

That's something I find profoundly irritating about a lot of liberals: They're all for a strong government to resist big business' scheming, but when I tell them "you should work for the government — it's full of ancient silverfish that don't know how to use a computer. They need you, badly." The reply is invariably:…

I've read that the strings in "Eleanor Rigby" were inspired by the Bernard Herrmann soundtrack to "Fahrenheit 451." When you peel back the layers of the onion that is "Thong Song," there's a world of literate delights to discover.

My Jitterbug has a dial tone!

Exactly. My son's misguided war in Iraq was the most protested anything in the history of protesting anything. How'd that all turn out? Did we all learn a valuable lesson about street-level activism? Did the Republicans hear our reasonable criticism about having an exit strategy and making allies feel all allied 'n…

From now on, let's refer to all human trafficking charges as "Trumped Up."

When my brother worked at an Arby's, he complained to my mother that the polyester clothing freely admitted grease in but would not permit sweat to escape.

I hope they reserved a space for Electronic License Plates. No, I'm not joking. It's a thing.

Didn't the transition coincide with Harlan Ellison having a stroke?

Donnie, if you're reading this, do you remember how they used to call Obama "Bush-Lite"? Of course you don't. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are clearly "Obama-Lite." You'll see some liberals get upset when I say "Obama-Lite" and that's how you'll know it's true.

"The Worst Day Golfing is Better Than the Greatest Day Farting Around the Oval Office Ever"

Yeah, that's the hell of this American tourists in NYC chain restaurants thing: There are plenty of regional tourist traps that are actually fun and good eating.

Frankly, if white folks such as myself weren't upset with the hideous way we've been portrayed in sitcoms for the last century, then we have little reason to be upset about a show such as this one.

Twilight Zone Ending: "Mr. Jones! I sentence you to…a trial by a jury of your peers!"