I used to give the idea of not participating in voting some intellectual weight — after all, it's a free country, neither party seems to actually represent voters, etc. But this last election has made the threat concrete: If you don't vote, the stupidest people in the country will gather together and select the…

If we're going to spend this whole thread body-shaming this guy, I think it's worthwhile to point out that he doesn't actually have a body. Push him over and he explodes into a swarm of claymation trolls.

Newest Muppet has Schrodinger's Genitals.

I'm not sure. I think before you punch a nazi, you should ascertain what kind of nazi they are. Simply ask them, "Is this a sex fetish thing you've got going on here? You know: the whole 'shiny boots of leather' thing? I wouldn't want to punch you just because you're a pervert. You can see how onlookers might be…

When I was growing up, Nazis were just a reason to never trust Germans. It took decades of arpeggiated space music to undo the damage.

I have Argentinian friends, so I have passed the gourd around more than a few times. There are a couple of wonderful things about it: 1) Preparation is simple; 2) You get all jacked up on caffiene; 3) It's a social thing; and 4) You can enjoy it picnic-style in the great outdoors. It's not difficult to see why it…

I used to visit a friend in Oregon that lived in a "dry county." Just so you knew what sort of people hated freedom booze, there was an American flag flying from every porch. Looked like John Birch lived there.

Better to be talked about than…what were we talking about?

I'd say that Freeway is the greatest John Waters movie that John Waters never made.

Q: I've been entirely preoccupied by a most frightening experience of my own. A couple of hours ago, I realized that my body was no longer functioning properly. I felt weak, I could no longer stand. The life was oozing out
of me, I lost consciousness.

The Arc of the Conservative: "That deeply offends me."

Reagan came after everyone's guns when he saw a few Black Panthers doing the open-carry thing. There's your scenario.

On the other hand, I'm coming around to the concept of "Government so small you can strangle it in a bathtub." Is this the late-onset conservatism I was warned about? I always put down the ass gasket before I sit on a public toilet seat.

There's a direct, tangible line from "Teetotaler I'd Like to Have a Beer With" to "Guy I Wouldn't Trust Alone with My Daughter."

"You're Fired!" is not only the tagline to a reality TV show, it's also the two most useless words you can say to a government worker.

Bring some friends!

When I was a teenager and just beginning to appreciate VU, I lived in a mostly hippie setting. I was visiting at a friend's house, playing some records, and the song "Jesus" came on. His hippie father came storming in, "what the hell are you listening to!!?" That's when I knew that there was something different about…

Well, let's put it this way: If not for VU and Trout Mask Replica, we never would have had Can's Tago Mago.

People who dislike something usually do so because they know of something much, much better. Unfortunately, they frequently leave that last part out of the discussion because they are cowards.

Lookit the Liberal all self-aware 'n shit! This here's why it's a dead-end idea loggy!