I have been able to do this stunt my entire life. When I was in grade school, it was a cornerstone of my social life. I was counting on it to save me from serving in the Vietnam war, which I was inexplicably convinced would still be going on when I reached adulthood. I was a deeply paranoid schoolkid who was more…

When you live through Nixon, Reagan/Bush, Bush/Cheney and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republicans, none of this seems the least bit farfetched. You could check a ruler against such a perfect downward trend.

I don't get it either, but then I'm so old and out of touch that I think that "Two Broke Girls" is still airing.

On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. Ten a murdurs begen.

I don't miss brick and mortar bookstores. I miss BAD used bookstores. There used to be one on every corner where I live. They were set up as if somebody were actually proud of their embarrassing hoarding disorder. The staff were often genuinely weird and would be extremely knowledgeable about books in general — but…

If you're going to make Nazi Metal, then you had damn well follow the Nazi rules about Metal:

Hey! We don't want to hear your campaign sloganeering! This website trends liberal!

I love science fiction, but I don't buy into the idea that any of it is the least bit predictive. If I had written an actually predictive science fiction novel in the 1970s, the entire thing would revolve around not much of anything changing except for computer networks. You see, on those computer networks there would…

And they hooked Tinder and Grindr up to a matter-transmitter! You just know that's going to be a thing.

John Brunner was way ahead of mere science fiction. That's for sure. "Stand on Zanzibar" and "The Shockwave Rider" are also pretty fierce.

Trump is still busy ticking every box in the Republican Dream List. You know that "Pointless war against indistinct enemy in which billions of dollar vanish" is pretty high on that list. Imagine how badly Trump wants to say, "Yer either fur us or agin' us" while the press cheers him on.

While you watch Bush get rolled out for comment, imagine how I feel when the GOP digs up Reagan's corpse for fawning adulation.

You'd have to be a nihilist to make bad pancakes. And then name your bad pancake place "International House of Pancakes." Stare into the abyss and the abyss bubbles up around the edges.

Face on bathroom floor: Outcome uncertain.

When I was young, a friend told me that pot was illegal because Congress was full of old farts who would never do anything that might bring a smile to a hippie's face. I told my friend that he was being ridiculous.

They're startlingly predictable if you mix them with alcohol.

So much for the "tolerant" left.

I firmly believe that our next Black President should be as cartoonishly stereotypical as Trump is at representing 70-year-old rich white guys. I am ready to be one of the motherfuckers who will end up against a wall!

I see a lot of people here that bought an electric mixer at Target, discovered that it won't steam-clean their bathroom and now they're at the customer service line bellowing for the Manager's head.

I don't mind these conservative folks with their bathroom fetish, but do they have to jam it down my throat? And then straight up whatever other orifice is handy? And then once in each hand, followed by some light water sports and uh…how did we end up in the bathroom again?