During Prohibition, you could get a special card so that you could go down to the pharmacy and purchase medicinal alcohol. Good times.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw an orderly protest. Everyone showed up on time, no trash fires were set. The traffic pouring by on the nearby freeway didn't even slow down to rubberneck. At the appointed hour, the protest achieved its purpose and dispersed.

Always a delight to hear of boundary-shattering performance art that still hasn't cleared the hurdle of Karen Finley and her magical yams.

Hey and here's another website that pairs audio from yesterday's press conference with the singing asshole from John Water's "Pink Flamingos":

Are you concerned about inherent bias in the media? Congratulations! You're thirty-five years too late. Also, TVs are big and flat now. You should check that out.

Number two is jailing opposition politicians. Brace yourself for that one.

I sympathize, but it's pretty easy to avoid Trump-fatigue. I've been getting over a bad flu and I noticed that my usual diet of horror movies wasn't quite agreeing with me, so I shut that shit off and read a funny book instead. Do something like that and you'll come back energized for this long-haul idiocy. You don't…

Straightforward from here:
1) Elect George W. Bush as President.
2) Anyone might grow up to be President one day.
3) Elect Donald J. Trump as President.
4) Anyone might be President one day.

"You are so beautiful and I am so ugly! It's perfect!"

I wonder what the red handkerchiefs in their rear pockets mean?

"You may be wondering why your favorite New Wave band wasn't nominated. That's because the Grammy's reward excellence!"

I don't know. I'm so old and confused. I just read that hundreds of fake Brietbart and InfoWars websites have appeared to indoctrinate the good people with slimy liberal propaganda. So many of them are fake now that you can't tell which website is the real Brietbart. Like, if you just misspell one word and you get…

I'm glad she's here to teach tomorrow's leaders the Truth about Devoslution.

You can't spit in San Francisco without hitting some freak with bizarre unlimited wealth. This was true long before the dot-bomb era.

We all know that it was Joan Crawford. You don't need to make a scene, dear. You've been very silly lately and maybe you're just tired. Why don't you go take a nap? Sorry everyone.

Part of the problem with unions is that they started from a deeply unprotected position. The moment somebody said "union" aloud in a workplace, they got fired. When working people tried to organize a union, they got fired. When they went on strike, they got assaulted and then fired. Once a union is actually formed,…

Let's create businesses based on gaps in government enforcement of laws and regulations. It's not just "disruptive," it's already been demonstrated to be a successful business model by organized crime. See also: Off-shoring to evade taxation.

I think that "It is preferable to not survive" would be more honest.

When I was a kid, a "Gay" person walked around with one hand drooping alarmingly at the wrist. He would occasionally lisp come-hither remarks such as "Thay, fellas!" It was damned difficult to relate to. Thank God for Tom of Finland! Now we finally had an explanation for all of the guys running around wearing cowboy…

What Trump said was just locker room banter. You're not supposed to just grab pussies on the street like that.