This sounds amazing.
Diabeetus is all in.

Was Steven Weber busy?
He's good at TV.

"Do you get mad at the sun for making the flowers bloom?"
No, but Diabeetus DOES get mad at the sun for giving Jesus a sunburn while he was just hangin' there. Talk about adding insult to injury…

RAAATTTNNNEEEEERRRRRR!!!!
Diabeetus will feed your amputated taint to Uwe Boll if you direct this movie.

Nope. Not gonna do it.
No matter how much you beg and plead, Diabeetus will not appear on a postage stamp for the United Postal Service of Oz.

The Situation totes got Iced by Christian Dior, brah.
For reals. Flippity-floppity-floop.

*Diabeetus enters, bows*

Two snaps up, a twist, and a KISS!!!

TAKEN 2: DONE GOT TOOKED
It's set in Detroit.

FUCK and YES
Now Diabeetus' wife will be out of the house in the evening on TWO MORE OCCASIONS.

That ending was…abrupt.
Did Robert Klein work a little too blue for the AV Club?

DIABEETUS IS COMING OUT AGAINST BLOOD DIAMONDS.
Don't make Diabeetus come down there, Sierra Leone.

Fuck Basketball.
Y'all can have it back.

DON'T DO IT, MATT LeBLANC!!!
You have your own sitcom now! You don't need that sticky FRIENDS money!

Diabeetus heard HARD TARGET was supposed to be a DIE HARD movie which is why he did it; only after shooting all his scenes did he realize he was working with that goddamn Canadian Jean-Claude Van Damme and a freaking scenery-chewing robot that saw Sigourney Weaver in her unmentionables.

Garfield might love lasagna…
…but he really hates it when Hollywood shits on the 80's.

Sure do love them french fried potaters, mm hmm.
Reckon it'll do alright.

DEY TUK R JEBS!!!

Didn't Homer get raped by a panda?
And wasn't there references made to Homer "reeking of panda love"? Where were you then, Parents Television Council? Huh? You LIKE panda love, don't you? You LOVE panda love. You love it ALL OVER YOUR FACE. Perverts.

But cadmium is the most delicious of all the -iums!
Diabeetus is gonna go sulk in the tub.