What's the point of watching The Quest when you know the guy named "Shondo Blades", an MMA fighter, has that competition all wrapped up with a neat little bow on top? I don't think losers like "Jim Curry" and "Bonnie Gordon" are going to be able beat MOTHERFUCKING SHONDO BLADES.

"Science has proven there is no god, no afterlife, and no objective universal consequences to moral hedonism. Oh, and uh, don't do all those things you just thought about doing when we said that. Those are bad for your bone-and-meat-sack that will carry your consciousness meaninglessly from point A to B for 80 years…

Eating it once should only add one pound to your weight at the worst, as there are 3000 calories in a pound.

Articles? This site has articles?

Pizza Hut until recently had a weekday lunch buffet in most of their restaurants. For college students with not a lot of money and no sense of their own mortality, it was quite a ride.

You kind of just described my life at one point, sadly.

Only the shame of being a gigantic wuss.

What kind of communist would eat a burger with a fork? You just scoop whatever portion fell off up in your fingers and jam it in your gob. Then you lick the fingers. That's the American way.

Lewis Black had a joke about how he liked to go to the IHOP because no matter how fat you are, when you go there, you're usually the thinnest guy in the room and you get a massive self-esteem boost.

This is rated purely on caloric intake, not sugar shock, cholesterol, or salt issues.

Really long post to a throwaway joke, I apologize to everyone

"EVERYBODY EAT NOW!"

Pssh, that just means i don't have to stop eating Red Robin to go to the bathroom!

Sex orgies with no birth control and fertility pills leading to massive overpopulation.

Real men throw up on the bartender.

There's a Denny's sharing the parking lot of the theater I go to. Nothing like seeing a real stinker and then despondently eating pancakes at 1 in the morning.

The only time I got something like food poisoning was after eating a lamb gyro last winter. I still don't know if it was the lamb gyro or if I just coincidentally had the flu (I was indeed sick for the next few days) but I projectile vomited uncontrollably for a day or so starting that evening for the first time in 12…

Sadly it was probably simply one "serving" of the fries, with refills not factored in.

You should have seen what the chicken ate before they killed it.

That's just them hating us for our freedoms! Freedoms to eat cheeseburgers and shoot people while wearing sweatpants!