About a thousand times too much charisma, too.

Yeah, what a wuss.

EDIT: OOPS. Wrong comment.

You know this isn't a news site, right?

America has its mind on The Mummy and The Mummy on its mind!

Does he know that? Or has he so surrounded himself with sycophants and enablers that he thinks the people disgusted by him are just a lunatic fringe?

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

"I'm not swearing on that Bible. It's much too large."

Oh, definitely. That was way more 80s, whereas they didn't even know brown people had their own kinds of kung fu until at least 1989.

I was just thinking how much I would love to see Trump rush Comey and Comey just holds him at arm's length by the top of his stupid haircut while Trump swings ineffectually at open air with his dumb little Cabbage Patch Kid hands.

"Trump is climbing to the top rope! Oh, nope, actually he's climbing back down. He's sitting on the floor, trying to catch his breath!"
"He seems to have shat himself, Gene."
"That's his signature move. Comey's in trouble now!"

Never not appropriate.

And the crowd goes wild.

"Your Honor, my client would like to submit a writ of 'Nuh Uh.'"
"Overruled!"

I would add "a complete and total lack of remorse." There are some sick fucks who will do nothing for the rest of their lives but replay the memories of their crimes over and over again. Incarceration is no punishment for them.

That's the most early 90s movie ever. It's like a Chuck Norris movie reimagined as an Arrested Development video.

"No, you're the hunter from the future!" —my brain literally every time I think of that movie

"For the last time, fellas, hair is flammable!"

Genderqueer Murder Chair!
Pansexual Mutilation Table!
Bicurious Slaughter Ottoman!

If you're really lucky, the love of your life will die slowly and painfully, and you'll be able to spend the rest of your days milking that trauma for subsistence-level celebrity.