I'm with you. I'll watch bad movies all day, but life is too short to watch a show I don't love.

That's not the same thing, though. You like those movies, even if it's not for the reasons their creators intended. (Though I suspect you and Charles Band are probably on the same page.) TV hate-watchers are legitimately having no fun, yet they can't turn away. There's some sick satisfaction in seeing just how bad it…

I think hate-watching comes from the notion that "wanting to know what happens next" and "thinking you'll enjoy what happens next" are not necessarily the same thing.

SPOILER: Life is an unending torment that turns all fleeting moments of joy into a sick joke at the hands of a cruel, smug god.

That person has a moral obligation to warn you that he or she is not high five compatible before the approach is initiated.

The key to a successful high five is to never look at the hand. Focus on the person your fiving's elbow and you will never miss.

That's funny. I was actually referencing a line from the Bill Murray Christmas special. It's just a coincidence that the photo, which I barely glanced at, matches up.

It's "lesbian bed death." A lesbian death bed would be a possessed female bed that only eats other women.

You ever see The House by the Cemetery? Early 80s Italian horror movie pretending to be American. One of the first dead giveaways is that there's a very young boy named Bob, because Italians don't understand the lifecycle of the name Robert. You start out a Robby, become a Rob, then a Robert, THEN a Bob, and you die a…

And they can cook, too!

How's he have time to make a TV show when he doesn't even have time to bleed?

I was just thinking of that. Remember that short film George Lucas In Love? I bet next they'll make an Anonymous ripoff postulating that Star Wars was actually the work of Spielberg, who was using a bearded dork named George as a patsy for reasons of his own.

He arrived on set and was like, "Goddamn ya, who got the camera?"

I think you meant "BEGNAZI!!1!!!!"

Yes, my annoying coke addict alien roommate is also named Mork.

Easily wrong? Have you considered a career in the executive branch?

He'll get his phone back after he cleans his plate like a big boy.

What do you expect from a graduate of Hollywood Upstairs Law School?

My single, "My Single Is Dropping," is dropping.

I can totally understand why someone wouldn't like the prequels. Their flaws are obvious and legion.