Oh my gosh, you nailed me so completely. What insight into the human condition you condescending Millenials have. I'm sure that'll work out so much better for you in the long run than it did literally every other generation that preceded you.

Just stop calling this garbage "hip-hop" and there won't be any problems. They didn't keep calling New Wave "rock n roll" even though it had long stopped having much in common with the genre of music that spawned it. They made a new term, and that carried with it a new set of expectations and conventions. You call…

It's the Christian version of Occam's Razor: The simplest explanation is usually THE LIES OF THE DEVIL WHO HATES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO SUFFER ETERNAL TORMENT.

The best 99 cents I ever spent was on a homemade T-shirt that says "Jesus Surfs Without A Board."

He said it was "pretty clear." What else do you need to know?

The best thing about that new Mummy trailer is that Nick Freakin' Miller gets to deliver the "Just how badass is this mummy?" speech.

Why I moved out two years ago.

I'm sure. I'm not saying he can't put on a good show. I'm saying, that day at least, he chose not to.

There should have been a way to perform that material without boring a paying crowd to death, but that might have required effort. It was clear from his dismissive demeanor that he was intentionally trying to alienate the festival audience because they weren't cool enough for him.

This was Lollapalooza '95, so Beck was in his "I think I'm too good for all the new fans I just got from 'Loser'" phase and just sat up on this huge stage at like 10:30 on a hot morning and played the most boring acoustic set I've ever heard to a bunch of wake-and-bakers. I've seen hypnotists knock out fewer people.

Beck was the only concert I ever fell asleep during.

So you're saying Trump is actually three children sitting on each other's shoulders? That would explain the small hands…

That's why I always rolled my eyes at recent New York transplants who longed for "the good old days." It's like, "So you're cool with the rape and murder rates going through the roof as long as you get to feel like a real bohemian? You sound like a wonderful person."

When Trump fired him, we'd all be like, "Pootie don't go!"

Covfefe was the name of his sled all along.

Sa da tay, my damie. Cole me down on the panny sty.

I fully support Alba's decision to not get naked, but I also think that decision was an indication of how wrong she was for the part, especially in a movie that's whole reason to exist was scrupulous (and often foolhardy) fidelity to the source text. You put Dick Tracy makeup on Mickey Rourke to get the bridge of his…

Hugh Closely is the name of their pimp.

This is just marketing speak. It means nothing. The movies used the panel layouts as storyboards, brought Frank Miller on as co-director even though he can't direct, and turned its entire cast into Dick Tracy villains, all in an effort to "hew closely" to the books. How much closer can an adaptation hew? None. None…

Maybe Len Wiseman should do MORE DIRECTING and LEN WISEMAN.