I'm arguably too straight for words and even I can tell that this overstock purchase at the Discount Honkey Store is about 3% as fuckable as Swayze, at best.

As an unsuccessful prototype derived from the same Jack Black Semi-Portly Comedy Sidekick Cloning Experiments that created T.J. Miller, he is technically the property of Disney.

"Go ahead. Science my shit."

Or maybe send it into space!

Sean Bean has survived two Silent Hill films.

As soon as he opened his mouth, it was clear that it was his destiny to die horribly and stupidly.

In Alien vs Predator, which is way closer to these movies than anybody making them would ever admit to.

"Everything would have worked out fine if Franco was still in charge!"—the first and only time this sentence has ever made sense

That would have created the weird albino alien, not the classic black one.

Did anybody even TRY to put on the alien's mother's sweater to see if that would confuse it?

I thought he didn't use the spores anymore because this new egg/facehugger/chestburster/xenomorph system he came up with that failed to kill two grieving crew members twice is WAAAAAAAAAAY more effective than the old spore system that murdered a whole planet in five minutes.

I believe he also used that same trope in Prometheus, so between that and the most obviously telegraphed end twist of all time, it's pretty clear that Ridley Scott does not think much of us, the viewing public.

I think they tried to get around that by having David shut Mother off for diagnostics. He could have rewritten her programming or something while she was out.

When the chest-burster stood up and held out its arms I thought it was about to start singing some Ethel Merman tunes.

Also, "We're all stuck here in this spooky place because of a sudden storm!" is literally the oldest trick in the book. It's on page 1 of the book. There's the title page, a dedication, maybe an introduction, and then there's that trick. You could learn the trick while skimming the book at the library.

JOB CREATORS IN SPACE 2: CUCKSTORM RISING

I also would have accepted "you ugly, rat soup-eating melonfarmer!"

Jeez, the evil space robot SAID the alien murder egg he created was safe! Get off my back!

I like it. Maybe the audience surrogate character could be the only one who did his/her best just out of principle. Of course it turns out that that character was in charge of the self-destruct button, which is the only thing onboard that functions properly.

There were supposedly 2000 colonists in cold storage aboard. I'm assuming they're even dumber than the dumbfucks they let fly the ship.